If you were a sincere churchgoer, would you go to a Sunday service with a nice pleasant buzz-on from a glass or two of wine? The Lord Almighty would surely be offended. By the same token no serious moviegoer would want to watch a film half-sloshed or even a wee bit “happy”…right?

When I was drumming for The Sludge Brothers, a no-account Connecticut blues band, our lead singer-guitarist used to tell the crowds, “Remember — the more you drink, the better we sound.” But alcohol and cinema don’t mix. Really. You should drink a cappuccino or a Red Bull or green tea before a film. Or do Zen breathing exercises. Alcohol always takes things in a downmarket direction. It certainly diminishes the spiritual.

This hasn’t stopped Robert Redford‘s Sundance Cinemas and the iPic theatrical chain from deciding to offer alcohol in their theatres. An 8.23 Wrap piece by Steve Pond says that the Sundance-refurbished version of the old Laemmle Sunset 5 (Sunset and Crescent Heights) and iPic’s renovated theatre in Westwood (i.e., site of the old Avco) are going to serve beer and wine.

These chains are also looking to attract upscale types with plush seating and astronomical prices that will presumably discourage attendance by low-lifes.

I have a friend who’s a devoted fan of Broadway plays, and sometimes he’ll see a play or a musical after slurping down a double vodka so what do I know? I’ll tell you what I know. I know that movies theatres are not amusement environments — they’re churches, and you should hold off on the libations until after the film is over.