I was thinking about the death of “Dear Abby” (a.k.a., Pauline Phillips) during the opening press conference for the 2013 Sundance Film Festival (which featured founder Robert Redford, festival director John Cooper, and exec director Keri Putnam). And it hit me that I should probably take up the mantle and write the world’s gnarliest, snippiest, most contrarian, most peculiar and possibly the most illuminating personal advice column as a sideline. It could open up all kinds of doors.

(l. to r) 2013 Sundance Film Festival press conference moderator Sean Means, Robert Redford, Keri Putnam, John Cooper.

Means, Redford.

What if you came upon a section of Fresh Market titled “White Anglo Saxon Food”? Or “Jewish Food”? Or “African-American Food”? Or “Lesbian Dishes”?

Every year I remind/request Sundance Film Festival visitors to NOT patronize 350 Main. The people who run it are dicks. They don’t like solo festivalgoers. They try and block you at the door. The bartender ignores you when you try to order a drink. Trust me — they’re the worst.

Thursday, 1.17, 2:15 pm.

Stuff bought last night at Fresh Market.