A Christmas statement released by RNC chair and Donald Trump henchman Reince Priebus exploded three or four hours ago.

“Over two millennia ago, a new hope was born into the world, a savior who would offer the promise of salvation to all mankind,” the statement by Priebus and RNC co-chair Sharon Day said. “Just as the three wise men did on that night, this Christmas heralds a time to celebrate the good news of a new King. We hope Americans celebrating Christmas today will enjoy a day of festivities and a renewed closeness with family and friends.”

Call me deluded or partisan, but the second sentence clearly contains a reference to a “new,” present-day king — i.e., Orange orangutan.

Let’s break it down, shall we? The phrase “Just as the three wise men did on that night” obviously refers to the night Yeshua of Nazareth was allegedly born in Bethlehem, or 2016 years ago. And so “this Christmas” — i.e., the one everyone is celebrating or acknowledging right now, and I mean here in the good old USA — “heralds a time to celebrate the good news of a new King.” There’s no way Yeshua can be considered a “new” king, brah — he’s classic rock, an oldie but goodie, a centuries-old myth.

Let’s also say a prayer of compassion for those poor, deprived souls across the globe and the seas of time whose cultures never embraced Christianity or who personally never bought into it, and therefore lived their sad, barren lives without the faintest hope of salvation.

And what’s with the capitalizing of “K” in “king”?