Tatyana and I were waiting in line on the Disney Burbank lot for last Monday’s 7 pm show of The Last Jedi. Waiting and waiting. 6:25 pm, 6:30 pm, 6:35 pm…what’s going on? Suddenly the 4 pm show broke around 6:42 pm, and I knew there wasn’t a chance that they’d start again at 7 pm.

I happened to mention to Tatyana that Jedi lasts around 150 minutes, and a minute later she decided she didn’t want to stay. We agreed that she’d meet me outside the main Alameda gate around 9:45 pm. But we’d have to stick to this plan come hell or high water as we’d left our phones in the car in the parking garage, per Disney orders.

Sure enough they started the film late; it ended around 9:42 pm. I sped-marched out of the main theatre and up to the main gate. I knew the metal gates would be locked but presumed they’d have those special one-way doors that allow people to leave but not enter. Nope. Then I figured “okay, I’m agile, I’ll hop the fence” but I soon realized that was easier said than done.

It was now 9:47 pm but I didn’t see Tatyana. I walked down to the Buena Vista gate — same deal, no exit. The place is a fortress! I started to feel a little creeped out by those damn Mickey Mouse heads atop the green metal fence. Mouse heads…mouse heads everywhere.

Then I walked down to the Riverside Drive gate…another locked gate. You’re staying the night! I walked across Riverside on an elevated pedestrian bridge and down behind an animation building, and finally I came upon a driveway gate with access to the street. Disney security doesn’t fool around.

Two minutes later Tatyana showed up at the corner of Riverside and Buena Vista. She’d driven around the lot three times and was about to start on the fourth.