Having read and seriously pondered the thoughts of Rush Limbaugh and particularly HE commenters “Moo Type” and “Duluoz Gray” in response to yesterday’s “First Draft,” I’ve come to realize that perhaps lefty liberals do look the other way while wanton sluts disrobe and hyperventilate and moan with pleasure as they writhe on top of men they’re not married to. But deep down what angers the right is that the p.c. left has condoned slutty behavior to the extent that it’s not slutty anymore.

“Is sex dirty?” Woody Allen was once asked. “It is if you do it right,” he replied. This, I suspect, is what the right longs for more than anything else. They miss having genuinely dirty sex, which can only be enjoyed with an actual slut (as opposed to, say, your wife pretending to be a loose woman as part of a role-playing thing that some couples do to spice things up). They miss the scent of sordid atmospheres and the taste of forbidden pleasures. They want their sex lives to resemble a 1958 Samuel Fuller film.

As Limbaugh indicated when he said Sandra Fluke should provide video sex tapes if her contraception is going to be paid for by the government and/or taxpayers, what these righties are really saying is that they miss the time when sluts actually walked the streets in see-through blouses and gave them hard-ons like they’ve never known since, before liberals spoiled everything by giving sluts a hug and telling them there’s no such thing as slutty behavior and “you go, girl…have a contraceptive.”

Righties are always…okay, often about “golly gee gosh” and pretending to follow Christian white-bread tradition on the surface (i.e., offering lip-surface loyalty to same), but indulging in dark, creepy, cum-stainy behavior in back alleys and cheap motels when no one’s looking. They can’t get themselves off in an open-hearted liberal way — they need to feel guilty about it or it’s no good. The righties long for the days when sluts were sluts and guys like Dulouz Gray and Moo Type occasionally knew the foul, perverted pleasure of coveting sluts and sometimes flirting with them and taking them out to dinner and then taking them back to their rundown apartments and doing things that their straightlaced, God-fearing wives would never consider, much less condone.

Righty males are too screwed up and twisted around to admit it (or even realize it) but that’s what they really want. They want sluts back to be part of the culture again (along with Confidential and Police Gazette magazine) and they hate the left for taking sluttiness away.