The respected but not-terribly-influential National Society of Film Critics, which is made up of 60 high-minded film critics, voted their top prizes today, and the majority basically went apeshit for Amour and The Master. You could strap Joe Popcorn into a theatre seat with Clockwork Orange eyelid devices and force him to watch these two films, and he’d…I don’t know what he’d do but he wouldn’t be that happy about it. I’m just saying that the NSFC lives in one realm, and Mr. Slovenly Popcorn lives in his.

The NSFC gave Michael Hanake‘s Amour its Best Picture prize with 28 votes. Paul Thomas Anderson‘s The Master got 25 votes and Kathryn Bigelow‘s Zero Dark Thirty snagged 18 votes. Thank God they didn’t go for Lincoln.

Haneke won the Best Director prize with 27 votes. Bigelow took second place with 24 votes and PTA came in third with 24 votes.

Lincoln‘s Daniel Day-Lewis took the Best Actor trophy with Holy MotorsDenis Lavant (a real dweeb vote) tied for second place with The Master‘s Joaquin Phoenix. Amour‘s Emmanuelle Riva took the Best Actress prize with Silver Linings Playbook‘s Jennifer Lawrence second and Zero Dark Thirty‘s Jessica Chastain third.

Magic Mike‘s Mathew McConaughey took Best Supporting Actor with Lincoln‘s Tommy Lee Jones and The Master‘s Phillip Seymour Hoffman in second and third place. The Master‘s Amy Adams won Best Supporting Actress, beating out the second- and third-ranked Sally Field (Lincoln) and Anne Hathaway (Les Miserables).

Oh, and Drer Moreh‘s The Gatekeepers (Sony Pictures Classics) won for Best Documentary. Excellent call.