Last night the Online Film Critics announced their 2009 award winners. Boldly going where scores of other film critics have gone before, they chose The Hurt Locker as Best Picture and Kathryn Bigelow as Best Director…fine. And they gave Waltz — saying his first name is no longer required — their Best Supporting Actor prize and their Best Supporting Actress trophy to BET talk-show host Mo’Nique.

I’ll give them credit for handing their Best Actor award to The Hurt Locker‘s Jeremy Renner — very cool and wise — but what reaction other than befuddlement can be shared over honoring Inglourious Basterds costar Melanie Laurent with their Best Actress award? She was okay and is obviously fetching but c’mon — this reveals their horntoad geek sensibilities.

Best Original Screenplay award went to Quentin Tarantino for Inglourious Basterds, and the Best Adapted Screenplay honor went to Fantastic Mr. Fox co-writers Wes Anderson and Noah Baumbach.

I’m a fan of Anderson’s film as far as it goes, but the Fox screenplay is rife with believability problems. It makes no sense that Meryl Streep made George Clooney swear off chicken-eating the way other wives forbid their husbands from gambling or drinking or using drugs — chicken-eating is as natural as breathing in the fox world. Clooney moves into a tree house that’s not far from the farms of Bean, Boggis and Bunce, and he doesn’t calculate that they might search out his home and destroy it out of retaliation? Bean, Boggis and Bunce are introduced as paragons of evil but all they’re trying to do is keep their stuff from being stolen. The fox clan is shot at by more machine-gun bullets than were ever fired at Sylvester Stallone in Rambo: First Blood, Part II, and not one of them gets hit. The script is relentless illogical whimsy mixed in with the usual urbane Anderson neuroticisms.

At least the Onliners gave their Best Documentary prize to Anvil! The Story of Anvil — excellent choice. Their Best Picture Not in the English Language prize went to Michael Haneke‘s The White Ribbon — fine.