“So Ben Carson opened the night with a moment of silence and then never really got out of it, except when he showed off everything he memorized from Wikipedia earlier in the week…Donald Trump thinks that the nuclear Triad is a Chinese gang in Los Angeles…Ted Cruz looks like a cross between Count Chocula and Joe McCarthy…Marco Rubio is a well-spoken young man, but he reminds me of Tracy Flick… Chris Christie needs to lose another hundred pounds to be just fat, but he’s real good at reminding us three hundred times that he was right friggin’ there to deal with 9/11…Jeb Bush, who is always being bitch-slapped by Donald Trump, reminds me of every uncool dad that ever lived.” — Rod Lurie‘s Facebook assessment of last night’s Republican debate.