This is routinely facetious Onion-style humor and fairly funny, but it owes a little something to the Hollywood Elsewhere playbook. At least in an attitudinal sense. The reference, of course, is to Paramount’s hugely successful GI Joe: Retaliation. For whatever reason the Onion guys don’t mention the title.

“Those dumbasses over there will go see this crap, right?,” said Steve Siskind, the studio’s executive vice president for worldwide marketing, who predicted “the dipshits in Asia or somewhere” could be counted on to boost box-office receipts for the fucking unbearable $200 million production.

“Transformers 3 was huge in China, so why wouldn’t those morons go apeshit over this movie, too? It has tons of CGI, not to mention a car flying through a helicopter and landing on the roof of a building.”