Too Late To Dismiss “Gladiator II”

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The word has been out for a couple of weeks — Ridley Scott‘s Gladiator II (Paramount, 11.22) is a well-produced mediocrity, an expensive underwhelmer, a Gladiator reboot that nobody needs or has ever asked for.

I didn’t find it especially painful, but it did put me into a don’t-give-a-damn mood.

Aside from deriving great pleasure from Denzel Washington‘s performance as the smoothly villainous Macrinus, I mean. Nominate this man for Best Supporting Actor! One of the most enjoyable bad guys in many a moon. Cruel and ruthless, of course, but I really enjoyed his company. I liked Denzel much, much more than Paul Mescal‘s Lucius. Hell, more than anyone else in the film. Smooth criminal, my bruh, etc.

HE to Scott: Denzel is much more charismatic than Donald Trump…please.

I’ve been dumping on poor Mescal for months. I despised his performance in All Of Us Strangers (and I’m saying this as a rapt admirer or Luca Guadagnino‘s Queer) along with his jutting jaw and arched nose, and I hated his weepy moments in Aftersun. But after all the contrary commentary that came Mescal’s way ten days ago (“shaky at best,” “struggles to enliven the gig”, “a forlorn pussycat turned rager”), I only felt sympathy for the poor guy during yesterday’s viewing. He tries, works it, does his best. He’s already suffered a decisive beat-down. Leave him alone.

I also admired and respected Pedro Pascal‘s Marcus Acacius — both the character and the actor exude manly integrity.

I felt nothing but disgust for Joseph Quinn‘s Emperor Get and Fred Hechinger‘s Emperor Caracalla, of course, but that’s obviously an intended thing.

My first Gladiator II drop-out moment came with the appearance of those ridiculous big-fanged baboon dogs. Why did Scott go for cartoonish CG overstatement? The instant I saw the baboon dogs I said “okay, fuck this movie…Scott obviously doesn’t care about serious, ancient Rome world-building.”

I hated the CG sharks swimming around during the Colisseum naval battle…stupid.

I hate that Scott reimagined Rome as a city on a great plateau (although the Palatine area was hilly, of course) and the Colisseum as Rome’s dominant and defining structure, viewable from miles off. The Colisseum itself looks great, of course.

All through the film I was thinking “poor Connie Nielsen…taking the paycheck but stuck in a second-tier sequel…same age as Pam Bondi,” etc.

Effective Strategy

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If you’ve ever felt humbled or blown away by a woman’s beauty (we’ve all been there), the way to play it is to not stare at her like she’s a warm apple pie just out of the oven and you haven’t eaten in three days. The way to play it is the young Warren Beatty way — one, express more interest in her personality and especially her mind than her looks, and two, behave as if you’re the beautiful one.

All Hail Marcus Ibanez, Hoyte von Hoytema

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Director: @marcusibanez
Iconic CD: @larissabechtold
Prod. Co.: @newland.tv
DoP: Hoyte van Hoytema, ASC, FSF, NSC
EP: Erik Torell
Producer: @martenmelinder
Production Manager: Erik Amberntsson
Director’s Assistant: @felixscheynius

Joseph Quinn Would Make a Great Ginger Baker

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…but as the late George Harrison…WHAT?

Sam Mendes has reportedly tapped the 30-year-old Quinn (A Quiet Place: Day One, Gladiator II, Stranger Things) to play the quiet, mystical, sardonic George in his forthcoming Beatles quartet, which won’t be seen until,.,,what is it, 2027? The problem, obviously, is that Quinn doesn’t even remotely resemble Harrison.

First and foremost the late Beatles guitarist had rich brown hair and certainly wasn’t a ginger, which Quinn obviously is. Quinn and Harrison share the same color eyes (brown), but Harrison’s were big and round with a playful glint.

Again…Quinn as Ginger Baker? Fine. But the Harrison casting, if true, is horrifying.

From Jeff “insneider” Sneider:

Good To Hear Buoyant “Unknown” Buzz

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…but you can’t trust most of the people who’ve posted opinions thus far, and I mean especially Clayton Davis. I’ll accept the praisings of Scott Menzel, fine, but I’m still trying to figure out what David Poland thinks of James Mangold‘s film, except that he needs to see it again, which he says about almost everything.

You can always trust HE as I have no hidden agendas. (I have put the Mangold episode of 2009 into a sealed box.) I’ll be catching A Complete Unknown on Monday evening (11.25).

Poland: “A Complete Unknown manages to tell us everything about Bob Dylan while telling us almost nothing about Bob Dylan.” HE: What the fuck does that mean? Poland: “The movie is ultimately about the power of the individual and talent and how what we all want can turn on a dime, repeatedly.” HE: What the fuck does that mean?

Poland: “Chalamet brings enormous power to this portrait of a man who just keeps leaving but then also keeps delivering surprises. Edward Norton’s turn is perfectly true to Seeger. Monica Barbaro delivers a Baez of many facets, from fire to ice. And Elle Fanning is destined to be underrated in a complex turn as ;the first NY girlfriend.’ I really need to see it again to fully negotiate all that is there and all that is not there by design.” HE to Poland: Spit it out!

How Queer Is “Wicked” Universe?

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Chris Gore: “Two friends who grow up to become enemies….I’ve seen the play four times, and it respected the original Wizard of Oz…Elphaba is Trump, and the Wizard is Biden…it’s very gay in a sense, but it’s mainly about female friendship….Elphaba and Galinda…having said all of that, in the backdrop of Shiz University’s diversity…gay, drag queens, straight…guys in skirts…Bowen Yang…the gayness of the film is in the background…this movie is very gay, and if you’re looking for that, you’re gonna see it. But if you kind of ignore this, it’s a beautiful story.”

Gaetz Says “Eff It, Outta Here, Hasta La Vista”

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The trolliest of Donald Trump‘s troll nominations has dropped out. Trump’s intention in nominating ludicrous, laughably unqualified people for cabinet posts was to say “bitches, bow!” to Capitol Hill Republicans. Gaetz’s withdrawal exposes a strategic stumble, to put it mildly.

James Gray Said It Straight in ’22

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But you know something? I really hate living in an alleged movie culture that can’t be bothered to support a film as brilliant, vibrant and super-charged as Sean Baker‘s Anora. It’s sold a fair amount of tickets so far ($10,971,651 domestic, $20,809,023 worldwide) but last Saturday night I dropped by a Westport AMC just before a 9:30 pm showing, and I counted eight or nine people in the theatre.

Dammit, what’s wrong with you guys? Anora is a firecracker standout — it’s dealing the real, live-wire goods like few other films have this year — and you can’t be bothered to catch a Saturday night showing? It would have been one thing if there were 25 or 30 patrons at the 9:30 pm screening, but eight or nine?