Film Forum Can’t Hope To Deliver “Apocalypse Now” Properly

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When you think of the most exciting, triple-wowser screenings of your life, it’s always a combination of (a) a knockout film, (b) a great crowd and (c) the film playing at a big-city, big-screen, technically tip-top theatre.

The original 1979 version of Apocalypse Now has always been and always will be knockout-level, but seeing it inside one of those Film Forum shoebox theatres can’t be much good. I’m sorry but it just can’t be.

I saw the original Apocalypse (147 minutes, give or take) at the Ziegfeld theatre two or three times in August and September of ’79, and the big-screen presentation was aurally and visually wonderful, especially in terms of sharp, punctuating fullness of sound.

Apocalypse Now was presented at the Ziegfeld within a 2:1 aspect ratio, which Vittorio Storaro insisted upon through thick and thin.

As we began to listen to The Doors’ “The End” while staring at that tropical tree line, John Densmore’s high hat could be heard loudly and crisply from a Ziegfeld side speaker. Before that moment I had never heard any high-hat sound so clean and precise.

Remember that “here’s your mission, Captain” scene with G.D. Spradlin, Harrison Ford and that white-haired Filipino guy? When that scene abruptly ends, we’re suddenly flooded with electronic synth organ music…it just filled your soul and your chest cavity.

When Martin Sheen and the PBR guys first spot Robert Duvall and the Air Cav engaged in a surfside battle, Sheen twice says “arclight.” In the Ziegfeld the bass woofer began rumbling so hard and bad that the floor and walls began to vibrate like bombs were exploding on 54th Street…the hum in my rib cage was mesmerizing.

As Duvall’s gunship helicopters take off for the attack on a Vietnamese village (“Vin Din Lop…all these gook names sound the same”), an Army bugler begins playing the cavalry charge. The “tirrah–tirrah–tirrah” was clear as a bell in the Ziegfeld.

First Liberty Island Visit Since ‘80

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Blue skies, hot temps, no breezes.

Posted on 2.13.23:

Norman Lloyd‘s falling finale would’ve been better if Alfred Hitchcock hadn’t relied on that fake-looking process shot.

If I’d been in Hitchcock’s shoes, I would’ve had Universal’s prop department build a special wind-up mechanical dummy, one capable of moving its arms and legs a bit. Then I would’ve mounted the downward-facing camera on the railing of the actual Statue of Liberty torch, and then I would’ve simply dropped the dummy and filmed the long fall.

Then, in the editing phase, I would’ve shown Lloyd losing his grip and starting to fall, then a quick shot of Robert Cummings‘ horrified expression, and then cut to the falling dummy and stay with it until hits the pavement below. I would also have recorded the sound of a pair of tied-together watermelons slamming into the pavement from a height of, say, four or five stories.

Easily The Most Elegant Pre-Credit Signature Of Them All

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The beautiful animated logo for Steven Rales/ Indian Paintbrush, primarily known for being the main financier and producer of Wes Anderson films over the last 18 years (the first was 2007’s The Darjeeling Limited — the most recent is The Phoenician Scheme)…the CGI logo was designed by Kelly Carlton at Intralink Film Graphic Design. The string/flute flutter was composed by Jamie Anderson at J Trax Music.

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“I’ve Got A Baaad Feeling About This”

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This line was spoken by Carrie Fisher’s Princess Leia in The Empire Strikes Back (‘80).

What are we supposed to get exactly from this image of a chick-of-color (presumably Chase Infiniti) holding a pistol outdoors? What’s the message? Who cares? Where’s Leo?

A Venice Film Festival debut, right?

Something Demonic Has This Way Come

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“This is a startling interview. Peter Thiel‘s face tells the story without him opening his mouth. The words ‘soulless twat’ come to mind. Douthat doesn’t go far enough in trying to understand if Thiel actually cares about humanity at all, or has sustaining ethical or moral beliefs of any kind.” — @laurimas8845, posted earlier today.

HE’s Hand Is Forced on 21st Century’s Top 25 Films

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HE agrees with certain choices among the top 20 in that N.Y. Times poll of the finest 21st Century films.

But where the hell is Alexander Payne‘s Sideways, guys? I’ve counted through the whole list of 100 and it’s not there. To which I can only say “what the fuck?”

I’m enthused or at least okay with #20 (Martin Scorsese‘s The Wolf of Wall Street), #19 (David Fincher‘s Zodiac), #18 (Alfonso Cuarón’s Y Tu Mama Tambien), #17 (Ang Lee‘s Brokeback Mountain), #16 (Ang Lee‘s Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon), #15 (Fernando Meirelles‘ City of God), #13 (Alfonso Cuaron‘s Children of Men), #10 (David Fincher‘s The Social Network), #6 (Joel and Ethan Coen’s No Country for Old Men) and #3 (Paul Thomas Anderson‘s There Will Be Blood, which delivers one of the best endings of all time).

But I’m not quite as enthused about or even a tad underwhelmed by #14 (Quentin Tarantino‘s Inglourious Basterds, which I was actually repelled by to some extent), #13 (Jonathan Glazer‘s The Zone of Interest…one-trick-pony film, driven by a scheme of austere virtue signalling), #11 (George Miller‘s Mad Max: Fury Road, quite admirable but not quite worthy of multiple cartwheels), #9 (Hayao Miyazaki‘s Spirited Away), #8 (Jordan Peele‘s Get Out, a racially-stamped take on Ira Levin‘s The Stepford Wives), #7 (Michel Gondry‘s Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind…lovely film, somehow not quite Ivy League), #5 (Barry Jenkins’ Moonlight, which averts its eyes from the reality of drug-dealing and then falls apart in the third act), #4 (Wong Kar Wai‘s In the Mood for Love, which is too slow and staid), #2 (David Lynch‘s Mulholland Drive, which I can’t remember the plotline of to save my life) and the dreaded #1 (Bong Joon-ho‘s Parasite).

Here are HE’s top 25 of the 21st Century, and I can’t convey how painful and silly it makes me feel to make these damnable choices, which basically boil down to the 21st Century flicks I like to re-watch over and over and which have zip to do with the chickenshit identity games played by the folks polled by Times.

1. Roman Polanski‘s J’Accuse, 2. David Fincher‘s Zodiac, 3a. Steven Soderbergh‘s Traffic; 3b. Paul Greengrass‘s United 93, 4. Alfonso Cuaron‘s Children of Men, 5. Spike Jonze‘s Adaptation; 6. Polanski’s The Pianist, 7. Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck‘s The Lives of Others, 8. Tony Gilroy‘s Michael Clayton, 9. Cristian Mungiu‘s 4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days, 10. Todd Fields‘ In the Bedroom, 11. Joel and Ethan Coen‘s No Country For Old Men, 12. Kathryn Bigelow‘s The Hurt Locker, 13. David Fincher‘s The Social Network, 15. Asghar Farhadi‘s A Separation, 16. Bennett Miller‘s Moneyball, 17. Bigelow’s Zero Dark Thirty, 18. David O. Russell‘s Silver Linings Playbook, 19. Martin Scorsese‘s The Wolf of Wall Street, 20. Steve McQueen‘s 12 Years A Slave, 21. Kenneth Lonergan‘s Manchester By The Sea, 22. Luca Guadagnino‘s Call Me By Your Name, 23.Ruben Ostlund‘s The Square, 24. Paul Schrader‘s First Reformed; and 25. Kent Jones‘ Diane.

And here, again, is my list of the 163 greatest films of this century.

This Is The End of “Parasite” Glorification

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Bong Joon-ho‘s Parasite sitting at the very top of the N.Y Times‘ 100 best of the 21st Century poll — i.e., the views of “over 500 influential directors, actors, screenwriters and other film lovers” — is the piece of straw that has finally broken the camel’s back.

Serious film lovers who know what goes and who accept the reality of life on this real-deal planet and who aren’t driven by kneejerk identity politics…from this point on Average Joes are saying no to this semi-commendable (the first half works) but wildly overpraised South Korean social drama…from this point on Parasite‘s ranking will begin to sink and keep dropping every time a fresh best of 21st Century list is compiled. And thank God for that because we’ve fucking had enough.

An undisciplined, social-inequity geeksplurge that became woke-famous for winning the Best Picture Oscar five years ago, Parasite has become a totem for acclaimed, filmmaker-of-color achievement in a white-ass industry…a problematic work that too many people have been ignoring the flaws of for way too long. Brandishing one of the stupidest, most illogical plot turns in cinema history, Parasite is a prime example of ridiculous plotting + bloody finale = chaos cinema. Bong tried to make a Luis Bunuel film (Viridiana comes to mind), but his geek boy instincts spoiled the soup.