We all knew that Martin Scorsese and Leonardo DiCaprio‘s The Wolf of Wall Street, a possible 2013 Oscar contender, would get picked up by someone, and now comes the news that Paramount, which released Scorsese’s Hugo, is that partner, supporter and sugar daddy.

There are three problems with TWOWS, which chronicles the rise and fall of Jordan Belfort (Leonardo DiCaprio), a Wall Street trader whose success leads him down a path towards substance abuse and, eventually, jail time. One, we know that guys like Belfort are (or at least were) skunks and pirates…what else is new? Two, as I pointed out a few weeks ago, it’s bad karma for a lead actor in an expensive film to wear hideous gray double-breasted suits with peak lapels. And three, nobody wants to see Leo with dyed black hair any more than they wanted to see him with lumpy J. Edgar Hoover makeup.