I found a perfectly fitting jean jacket — trim, real denim, inexpensive. The only problem was that the sleeves were a bit short. So I bought it and went home and cut off the cuffs on another old jean jacket (i.e., one that I’ve been ignoring for years) and drove to Hollyway Cleaners and told the tailor to attach them. Good job.

If Humphrey Bogart hadn’t worn his usual rug when he played Charlie Allnut in The African Queen, audiences wouldn’t have bought the romantic relationship between Allnut and Katharine Hepburn‘s Rosey and he almost certainly wouldn’t have won his Best Actor Oscar. Same standard applies in other professions. You can’t let your hair get too sparse. You can go with a Jack Nicholson thing to a certain extent, but you have to hold on to something up top. I told this to a balding friend last weekend. “Don’t take this the wrong way but you have to stop the ebbing,” I said. “You can fix things in Prague at $2K per session, which is one-third of what it costs in the States. And it doesn’t look like anything. You have to keep up appearances — you can’t go full baldie.” Unless you do a Vin Diesel head-shave thing, I mean. But if that doesn’t work for you, micro-plugs are easy.

Actual Christmas lights on actual palm tree in some idiot’s front yard.

As someone said in late November, if there was a Department of Mice, Trump would appoint a cat to run it.