…the heavier the anvil chained to the Academy’s ankle becomes.

Just remember that if the host that Donna Gigliotti, Dawn Hudson and John Bailey finally hire has the slightest uh-oh hiccup in his/her Twitter feed…if he/she shared some kind of casually thoughtless remark while bombed at a party or during a hung-over breakfast in 2005…if there’s anything in his/her history that the p.c. commissars can seize upon and run with, this person will become instant social-media mincemeat and then they will learn first-hand what truly profound suffering can feel like. **

Yesterday The Hollywood Reporter‘s Scott Feinberg posted a “Jesus, are they gonna choose somebody or what?” article.

Didn’t Feinberg once suggest Bill Hader? He’d be perfect. Now Feinberg is suggesting John Legend and wife Chrissy Teigen as co-hosts. Okay. I guess.

There is only one totally bulletproof ratings magnet who could handle the task with aplomb. I’m speaking of a guy who can be funny and urbane but has the common touch, and who writes like a scholar and is in business with Netflix and has excellent across-the-board relations with talent, and who most recently was the author of a Best Films of 2018 list that became the talk of the town. Yes, that’s right — Barack Obama. I’m perfectly serious. How could he lose if he took the gig? How could he not win?

I love this paragraph: “What is known is what the Academy and ABC, which broadcasts the Oscars, do not want. They do not want someone who is socially divisive (especially after the Kevin Hart debacle), having concluded that politically-outspoken hosts have contributed to the show’s ratings declines in recent years; and they do not want someone who primarily appeals to older viewers, who are likely to watch the show regardless of who hosts.”

What the hell does “socially divisive” mean? The primary definition, I presume, is “someone with a Twitter past,” but does it also mean someone who has feelings about the decline and corrosion of this once-proud nation due to the Cheetoh factor? About how streaming is now the moat popular way to watch films these days, and how megaplexes have devolved into serving almost nothing but Roman colosseum-type fare?

What the hell does socially undivisive mean? A silly billy who mainly likes to smile a lot and has no strong thoughts or feelings about anything? Emily Blunt or someone in that vein?

Noteworthy Feinberg quote #2: “Further complicating matters is the Hart factor. Anyone who has been approached since Hart’s withdrawal knows — and knows that everyone else will know — that he or she was a backup option, a second choice. Moreover, people who might consider hosting in other years, such as Dwayne Johnson, are probably reluctant to accept this year, not wanting to look like they are benefiting from the misfortunes of a friend.”

** I know whereof I speak because I bear the bite marks, the bullwhip scars and the psychological bruises that will never totally heal. I know what it’s like to be SJW-ed and twitter-dogged within an inch of my life. It’s no picnic, lemme tell ya.