In a Sunday Times interview Roseanne costar John Goodman said that Roseanne Barr’s character will be “killed off” in the upcoming spinoff series, to be called The Conners. Goodman said that his character, Dan, will “be mopey and sad because his wife’s dead.”

Does this strike anyone as a clever, catchy way to dispose of Roseanne’s character? Kill her like some Cuban assassin in a Scarface remake? Or what…give her cancer or something?

HE solution: Roseanne has left Dan for a Russian mobster, whom she met during a visit to see relatives in Chicago. The Russian boyfriend didn’t propose marriage but insisted that Roseanne divorce Dan so she’d be free to move with him to Moscow. The Russian guy is super-rich, but it’s not all hearts and flowers because he’s into whips, chains, bondage and discipline, which Roseanne has a problem with. But in for a penny, in for a pound.