“I wear jeans, socks and a shirt — all totally normal,” Tom Cruise has allegedly told the Post-Dispatch. “I get my hair cut on set. I have no iPhone, no mobile, no email address, no watch, no jewelry, no wallet.”

I believe 80% of that statement. The “no wallet” and “no mobile” is bullshit. Everybody carries a driver’s license and a couple of cards around — you have to. (I’ve seen photos of Cruise driving a motorcycle down Robertson Blvd.) And Cruise expects people to believe that if he’s with his daughter and God forbid an emergency were to happen, he’s not going to have a cell in his pocket so he can call an ambulance or the police?

Any guy saying “I carry nothing in my pockets” is actually boasting that he’s got so many security guys and kiss-ass assistants watching his every move that he doesn’t need to do anything except “be.”