The word has been out for a couple of weeks — Ridley Scott‘s Gladiator II (Paramount, 11.22) is a well-produced mediocrity, an expensive underwhelmer, a Gladiator reboot that nobody needs or has ever asked for.

I didn’t find it especially painful, but it did put me into a don’t-give-a-damn mood.

Aside from deriving great pleasure from Denzel Washington‘s performance as the smoothly villainous Macrinus, I mean. Nominate this man for Best Supporting Actor! One of the most enjoyable bad guys in many a moon. Cruel and ruthless, of course, but I really enjoyed his company. I liked Denzel much, much more than Paul Mescal‘s Lucius. Hell, more than anyone else in the film. Smooth criminal, my bruh, etc.

HE to Scott: Denzel is much more charismatic than Donald Trump…please.

I’ve been dumping on poor Mescal for months. I despised his performance in All Of Us Strangers (and I’m saying this as a rapt admirer or Luca Guadagnino‘s Queer) along with his jutting jaw and arched nose, and I hated his weepy moments in Aftersun. But after all the contrary commentary that came Mescal’s way ten days ago (“shaky at best,” “struggles to enliven the gig”, “a forlorn pussycat turned rager”), I only felt sympathy for the poor guy during yesterday’s viewing. He tries, works it, does his best. He’s already suffered a decisive beat-down. Leave him alone.

I also admired and respected Pedro Pascal‘s Marcus Acacius — both the character and the actor exude manly integrity.

I felt nothing but disgust for Joseph Quinn‘s Emperor Get and Fred Hechinger‘s Emperor Caracalla, of course, but that’s obviously an intended thing.

My first Gladiator II drop-out moment came with the appearance of those ridiculous big-fanged baboon dogs. Why did Scott go for cartoonish CG overstatement? The instant I saw the baboon dogs I said “okay, fuck this movie…Scott obviously doesn’t care about serious, ancient Rome world-building.”

I hated the CG sharks swimming around during the Colisseum naval battle…stupid.

I hate that Scott reimagined Rome as a city on a great plateau (although the Palatine area was hilly, of course) and the Colisseum as Rome’s dominant and defining structure, viewable from miles off. The Colisseum itself looks great, of course.

All through the film I was thinking “poor Connie Nielsen…taking the paycheck but stuck in a second-tier sequel…same age as Pam Bondi,” etc.