Features of Hasbro’s Cloverfield monster: (a) 70 points of articulation and incredible life-like detail; (B) Authentic sound; (c) 14 inches tall; (d) 10 parasites; (e) Two interchangeable heads; (f) Statue of Liberty head accessory. The Cloverfield monster is available exclusively through HasbroToyShop.com. Limited quantities are available. Includes 3 AAA batteries. Price: $99.99.

What finally happened with Cloverfield? It was at $71,915,658 domestic as of 2.3 and has sold well overseas, but why did the U.S. box-office plummet so radically after the first weekend? Was it the crazy-cam photography, which reportedly made some people sick? Or was is the nonsensical-inexplicable monster to some extent? Flesh-colored, huge ears, 20 stories tall, long spindly arms…pretty damn absurd.
In a cool way, I mean. I genuinely enjoyed the absurdist approach because it made the monster more of an emotional/psychological construct than a pseudo-literal one that might have barely passed muster by movie-logic standards (i.e., the ones that have explained all past movie monsters). But maybe people might have gotten into it a bit more if the monster had been a old-fashioned Godzilla-like super-reptile with flippers and claws and the ability to breathe fire.
Don’t even start with the spoiler whinings. I don’t want to hear even one peep. The movie was seen by millions and now the Hasbro people are marketing the image online. Just shut up. You know who you are.