HE was recently offered a chance to discuss the top five Oscar categories with an Academy member…a woman. I agreed not to mention which branch she’s from, but I can at least disclose that (a) she’s a 50something progressive wokey and (b) two years ago she voted to give the Best Picture Oscar to the deplorable EEAAO and the Best Supporting Actress Oscar to Jamie Lee Curtis, so that in itself should give you pause.

The AMPAS member didn’t want to talk about preferences before the voting deadline but this being the final week and with less than 72 hours before the Oscar telecast she felt free to let it all hang out.

Best Picture: “I enjoyed much of Anora and admired Mikey Madison‘s performance as far as it went, but it didn’t seem to, you know, ‘say’ anything…it was mainly about money and yelling and swearing and a ruthless Russian oligarch and hie bitchy, poisonous wife. I found Conclave much more stirring from a moral or ethical vantage point, and I thought the intersex finale was fascinating, and I adored Ralph Fiennes‘ performance as Cardinal whatsisname…Lawrence. I was thinking about voting for The Brutalist for the distinguished pedigree factor, because it lasts three and a half hours and has an overture and an intermission and because it was shot in VistaVision. But I didn’t want to endorse a film that was directed by a youngish bearded guy with a pot belly so I went with Conclave. I prefer directors who keep themselves in shape.”

HE pick: Anora.

Best Director: “I wasn’t allowed to vote for Conclave‘s Edward Berger so I went with Anora‘s Sean Baker. Everyone seems to believe Sean’s got this Oscar in the bag and I didn’t want to differ so I’m a Baker person also. He’s a nice indie-type guy who’s been talking about the importance of exhibition and movie screens, and I don’t wanna pickle.”

HE pick: Sean Baker.

Best Actor: “I felt conflicted about Adrien Brody‘s Brutalist performance as a suffering Jewish architect, but he won me over. He wore this pained expression throughout plus he shot heroin and smoked cigarettes and was anally raped by Guy Pearce. Plus he got a blowjob in a brothel and a hand job from his wife, plus he befriended that silent black guy. Plus he won 20 years ago for playing another Jewish, artistically gifted WWII victim so I thought “why not go for two?” Ralph Fiennes gave a better performance but he won 30 years ago for playing that German monster in Schindler’s List. [HE explains that Fiennes didn’t win for Schindler’s List.] He didn’t? Oh, well…okay. I was thinking about voting for Timothee Chalamet‘s Bob Dylan but he’s too young. I finally couldn’t not vote for a character who is blown, hand-jobbed, ass-raped, heroin-injected and tobacco-poisoned. It had to be Brody. Okay, I’ll admit it — I like a little anal from time to time. Especially if I’ve been drinking.”

HE pick: Either Timothee Chalamet or Ralph Fiennes…anyone but heroin-shooting handjob Brody!

Best Actress: “Absolutely Demi Moore! She tried so hard to be an award-worthy actress for so many years, but the male-dominated producers wouldn’t let her. Plus we need to celebrate a victim character who is brutally fucked over by the cosmetics industry and the mindset that we’re not allowed to grow old. I mean, we’re all victims here! [HE explains that Moore never tried to be an award-worthy actress in her ’80s and ’90s heyday and that she went for popcorn fame and flush paychecks at every turn.] Well, that’s your opinion. I don’t agree with that. Plus Demi is 62 or 63…that cinched my vote. I liked Mikey but she’s too young.”

HE pick: Mikey Madison.

Best Supporting Actor: “I didn’t even see The Apprentice so I don’t know from Jeremy Strong. I’m following the crowd by having voted for Kieran Culkin in A Real Pain. I actually liked Yura Borisov in Anora the best, but I haven’t the strengh of character to vote for him because he’s too obscure and I’m too much of a go-alonger.”

HE pick: Keiran Culkin.

Best Supporting Actress: “I didn’t want the entire Emilia Perez caravan to be pushed over the cliff because of Karla Sofia Gascon having blown the whole thing up, so I voted for Zoe Saldana out of pity. I actually thought Conclave‘s Isabella Rossellini gave the strongest and most compelling female supporting performance, but again, I lack the character and the backbone to vote for my own personal preference. I want to feel safe by voting with the majority bloc.”

HE pick: Isabella Rossellini, although I know Zoe Saldana will win.