Day: December 26, 2011

In Richard Curtis and Lee Hall‘s screenplay of War Horse, there’s a scene prior to the British cavalry charge upon German troops that didn’t make the cut. It’s a three-way conference between Captain Nicholls (Tom Hiddleston), Major Stewart (Benedict Cumberbach)and Lieutenant Waverly (Patrick Kennedy). An HE regular e-mailed it during my flight to Los Angeles.

Major Stewart: Are the men ready, Captain?

Captain Waverly: Those kraut bastards will taste British steel!

Major Stewart: England’s pride!

Captain Nicholls: Sir?

Major Stewart: And so thrilling!

Captain Nicholls: There are pragmatic considerations, sir. British soldiers attacking with swords, sir. What about the German rifles and machine guns? They’re sure to shoot back. Most of us will be killed.

Major Stewart: An honorable way to die!

Captain Nicholls: Sir…

Major Stewart: We’ve only a few minutes, Captain. Prepare the men.

Captain Waverly: British steel!

Captain Nicholls: Sir, it’s suicide.

Major Stewart: We’re soldiers, Captain.

Captain Nicholls: Sir, we’re characters in a film. Our fate is set. We know that. Sir, can I speak plainly? The reason we’re attacking the Germans on horseback with only swords as weapons is because Mr. Spielberg, the director, wants to recreate the “attack on Aqaba” sequence from Lawrence of Arabia.

Captain Waverly: I’ve heard of Major Lawrence, sir!

Captain Nicholls: Shut up, Waverly! Sir, this is a movie but it’s also our lives, our fate. We’re here, right now, and this is an actual war we’re fighting. And charging into the German lines on horseback means that most if not all of us will die from machine-gun bullets. Why, sir, do we have to charge with swords? Why not pistols and rifles as well? Why do we have to pointlessly die so that for Mr. Spielberg can capture a great-looking scene?

Captain Waverly: If you’ll pardon, sir. What I meant was that some of us have heard of Major Lawrence’s horseback and camelback attack on Aqaba, and the key factor is that it happened in the very early morning while the Turkish troops were just waking up. So they had the advantage of surprise.

Major Stewart: But this is 1916. The attack on Aqaba won’t happen for another year.

Captain Waverly: Sir?

Major Stewart: How can you know? It hasn’t happened yet! Glenn Kenny just pointed that out!

Captain Waverly: You’re questioning my ability to see a year into the future. I understand that. But you don’t question Cpt. Nicholls conveying the intentions of Mr. Spielberg, who won’t be making his film for another 94 or 95 years?

It’s 7:05 pm Pacific — beginning my sixth hour of confinement on my NY-to-LA Virgin flight. Another full hour to go. Not hellish, exactly, but coach is never pleasant. You endure it. To experience a little private air space…well, soon enough. My Macbook Pro’s power cord was lost at JFK during security scanning so no power and no filing.

The sounds coming out of this toy monkey remind me of the gaiety generated by a table of middle-aged out-of-towners who were sitting next to me at a Second Ave. cafe in late April 2010. It led to a short piece called “The Worst People in the World.” I can let that memory and essay go, but the monkey brought it back.

Now that the Dragon Tattoo and Extremely Loud embargoes have expired and I’ve seen Margaret and Mission: Impossible 4 — Ghost Protocol, here’s my final revised rundown of HE’s bests, favorites, almost favorites, mezzo-mezzos and worsts of 2011. And I’ve found a place for Margin Call, which I omitted in the initial posting.

My top ten met the usual pick-of-the-litter characteristics — quality, audacity, originality, personal satisfaction, stylistic excitement, something strong and central that said felt new or bold or extra-cool. Aesthetic judgment, personal delight, etc.

If you include the “decent, not half bad” category the bottom line is that 2011 delivered around 65 films that ranged from excellent to very good to respectably passable.

HE’s 11 Best of 2011 (in this order): Moneyball, A Separation, The Descendants, Miss Bala, Drive, Contagion, Win Win, The Tree of Life, Margaret, In The Land of Blood and Honey, Tyrannosaur. (11)

Special “I Don’t Know Where They Precisely Belong But I Like ‘Em More Than Some Of The Others” Distinction (i.e., Close With Unlit Cigar): Attack The Block, Beginners, Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes, X-Men First Class, Captain America, Hugo, 50/50, Young Adult, The Artist, Hanna, The Guard, Bridesmaids, The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, Buck, Page One: Inside The NY Times, Rampart, Margin Call. (17)

Good & Generally Approved With Issues (in this order): Take Shelter, A Better Life, Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, The Ides of March, Midnight in Paris, A Dangerous Method, Albert Nobbs, J. Edgar, Martha Marcy May Marlene, Applause, Melancholia, Mission: Impossible 4 — Ghost Protocol, The Lincoln Lawyer, Another Happy Day, Source Code, Point Blank, Cedar Rapids, The Iron Lady, Happy Happy, Super, The Housemaid, Carnage, Another Earth, Le Havre. (24)

Frostily, Tiresomely, Enervatingly Good: Shame. (1)

The Wrong Stuff: War Horse, Tintin, The Lie. (3)

Decent, Not Half Bad: Coriolanus, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2, Insidious, The Last Lions, Myth of the American Sleepover, Tabloid, Super 8, The Trip, Making The Boys (doc about Mart Crowley and The Boys in the Band), Jane Eyre, Paranormal Activity 3, Restless, Submarine, Take This Waltz, Thor, Meet Monica Valour, Rango. (18)

Approved But Lesser Almodovar: The Skin I Live In. (1)

Lesser Dardennes: The Kid With A Bike. (1)

Lesser Kiarostami: Certified Copy (1)

Respectable Intentions, Didn’t Get There: Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close, Meek’s Cutoff, London Boulevard, Texas Killing Fields, Warrior, Straw Dogs, The Way Back, Like Crazy, The Rum Diary, Sleeping Beauty, The Adjustment Bureau, The Company Men, White Irish Drinkers, The Devil’s Double, The Dilemma, Warrior, We Bought A Zoo, Wuthering Heights, Anonymous. (20)

Meh, Underbaked, Less is Less, Insufficient: Rubber, Ceremony, Hall Pass, Bullhead, Fright Night, The Help, Magic Trip, Our Idiot Brother. (8)

Most Dislikable Sundance 2011 Film: Bellflower. (1)

Regretful Shortfallers: 30 Minutes Or Less, The Beaver, Higher Ground, Knuckle, Larry Crowne, Limitless. (6)

Haven’t Seen ‘Em (Guilt Factor): Black Power Mixtape, Elite Squad 2: The Enemy Within, Jeff Who Lives At Home, The Last Circus, The Oranges, Paul Williams Still Alive, Project Nim, Red State, Pina, Pariah, The Deep Blue Sea, This Must Be The Place, The Turin Horse. (13)

Haven’t Seen ‘Em & Don’t Care That Much: Apollo 18, The Lady, Arthur Christmas, Soul Surfer, Henry’s Crime, Blank City, Cold Weather, Blackthorn, Bonsai, A Boy And His Samurai, Burke & Hare, Cars 2, The Catechism Cataclysm, Conan The Barbarian, The Double, Gnomeo & Juliet, Happy Feet 2, The Human Centipede II, I Am Number Four, Jack and Jill, Just Go With It, Kung-Fu Panda 2, The Muppets, Mars Needs Moms, My Sucky Teen Romance, No Strings Attached, Paul Williams Still Alive, Phillip The Fossil, Priest, The Sitter, The Smurfs, Snow Flower & The Secret Fan, Sound Of My Voice, The Thing, The Woman, The Three Musketeers, Alvin And The Chipmunks: Chipwrecked. (38)

Acute Dislike, Blah, Nothing, Stinko: The Big Year, Arthur, Bad Teacher, Battle: Los Angeles, Butter, The Caller, Cat Run, The Change-Up, Cowboy & Aliens, Colombiana, Crazy, Stupid, Love, Dream House, Fast Five, Final Destination 5, Five Days of War, Footloose, Friends With Benefits, The Green Hornet, Green Lantern, Hall Pass, The Hangover Part II, Hobo With A Shotgun, Horrible Bosses, Kaboom, Machine Gun Preacher, New Year’s Eve, One Day, Paul, Pirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, Red Riding Hood, Sucker Punch, Transformers: Dark Of The Moon, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn — Part 1, Tower Heist, Twixt, Water For Elephants, We Need To Talk About Kevin, Your Highness, The Zookeeper, Your Highness, Miral. (41)

On 12.22 The Hollywood Reporter‘s Pamela McClintock posted a summary listing of 2011’s worst box-office performers. And yet for some reason she declined to name the worst performer in terms of production cost-to-earnings.

The worst wipe-out wasn’t Cowboys & Aliens or Green Lantern or Anonymous. And it wasn’t Arthur or Sucker Punch or The Thing or Conan The Barbarian. No, the movie that lost the most money in proportion to what it cost (according to McClintock’s figures) was David Frankel‘s The Big Year (20th Century Fox).

The bird-watching comedy costarring Steve Martin, Jack Black and Owen Wilson cost $41 million to make and took in a worldwide total of $7.4 million, which is 18% of its production budget. Add in marketing costs (which you should, of course) and it’s an outright calamity.

The Big Year‘s biggest proportional-loss competitor was Disney’s Mars Needs Moms, which cost $150 to make and earned a worldwide theatrical gross of $39 million, or 26% of its production budget.

Update: Martin Scorsese‘s hugely expensive Hugo was a big loser also, but the proportional pain wasn’t as bad as that suffered by The Big Year and Mars Needs Moms. It cost $175 million to make and and has so far earned a worldwide box-office tally of $51,343,914, or 29% of its production budget.