Tone Deaf

I can’t sing like a professional or even a gifted amateur, but I can definitely sing “Happy Birthday” on-key. Which is more than 97% of your Average Joes and Janes can manage. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve listened to a table of restaurant revelers try to sing it and not hit a single true note. It’s pathetic. We’re not talking about singing “The Star-Spangled Banner” here. “Happy Birthday” is a popular tune because any whoop-dee-doer can sing it, except most folks can’t find the key of G to save their lives and forget holding onto the melody if they could. Bad singing is all about emotional timidity. Singing on-key takes a certain open-heartedness. You can’t be covert about it. All I know is that every time a table launches into “Happy Birthday” I grimace and go “oh, God…here we go.’

Ambitious Oldboy Fight Scene

A trustworthy source informs that Spike Lee and Josh Brolin shot an ambitious fight sequence for the forthcoming Oldboy (FilmDistrict, 11.27) that was timed at 14 minutes and 30 seconds without a cut. I asked Brolin about this and he replied as follows: “Your source doesn’t understand that if I did a non-stop 14 minutte and 30-second second fight sequence, I’d be dead now. To get through 45 seconds (when we started rehearsing it) left me blanched and heaving. I won’t tell you how long the fight is but it is unique. ”

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“For Those Of A Certain Vintage…”

I don’t want to handicap the Best Picture chances for David O. Russell‘s American Hustle by over-praising it based on nothing but a trailer but…do I really have to say it? The cup runneth over. In Like Flynn. And Led Zeppelin‘s “Good Times, Bad Times” ties it all together like Jeff Lebowski‘s oriental rug. (Thanks to Awards Daily‘s Sasha Stone for alerting me to this — I didn’t expect to see a trailer until late September or October.)

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Obviously Superior to Danny Kaye Version

I didn’t like the idea of Ben Stiller‘s The Secret Life of Walter Mitty (20th Century Fox/Samuel Goldwyn, 12.25) because (a) I never much cared for the 1947 Danny Kaye version but more to the point (b) I’ve always half-despised the idea contained in the original James Thurber story, i.e., a mouse living in a fantasy cave. Whether or not I attain success or failure in life I will at least tough it out in the real world — only losers who take long showers retreat into constant daydreams. So eff this movie, I’ve been telling myself all along. I’m not a fucking mouse and I don’t want to know from Mitty-hood.

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