The Hairy Ape

There’s nothing uncool about emotional fire and exuberance, but Travis Kelce behaved yesterday like a bellowing three-toed sloth. If you ask me he not only embarassed himself but Taylor Swift in the bargain. No sense of class or modesty. And I don’t like the Marine boot-camp hair and the long bushy-ass beard.

If I was in Swift’s boots I would be seriously re-thinking the situation. Who wouldn’t?

Brock Purdy is cooler, modest and moderate, better looking and a great quarterback.

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Bullshit-Free Spectacle

I was amazed how cranked and excited I was by yesterday’s Super Bowl duel. I haven’t felt so crazily absorbed by a game of any kind, ever.

And — this is an Adam Carolla thing — I was reminded again about how wonderfully un-woke the sporting world is…no equity, no race bullshit, no DEI, no POCs complaining about not being shown the proper deference or accusing whiteys of fucking them over.

The players last night were on the field because they were good, period. They had proven their worth during the just-concluded season and were totally trusted by their coaches to perform well and to their utmost, and that’s all anyone cared about.

What’s that expression again? Oh, yeah, right — “merit over equity.”

Another thing about sporting competitions is that everyone accepts is that one team or another (or one golfer or tennis player or whomever) is going to lose, and that’s that. Life is hard, competition is demanding and certain competitors are going to feel gutted when they lose. But that’s life.

Imagine if Hollywood and the Oscars were to operate with this attitude. Talent matters! Only the best! Industry politics and high school popularity sentiments have always been a thing but equity standards are a whole different game —- an obstruction, a corrective.

Hoffman Finally Gets Wise About “Coup de Chance”

Five days after reporting that domestic distribution-wise “nothing is in the works” for Woody Allen‘s Coup de Chance, THR‘s Jordan Hoffman has reversed course by in effect announcing “oops, sorry ’bout that…Woody’s film will be distributed here after all, and within a couple of months.”

The cool-as-a-cucmber Coup de Chance, which debuted to mostly rave or approving reviews at last September’s Venice Film Festival, will debut theatrically in “North American markets” on Friday, 4.5.24, to be followed by a digital/VOD release on Friday, 4.12. The distributor is MPI Media Group.

Need I repeat that two and a half weeks ago (1.24.24) HE reported that “a certain U.S.-based distributor is looking to open (or at least stream) Coup de Chance a couple of months hence, give or take”?

Need I also repeat that on the same day as Hoffman’s “nothing is in the works” article I reported that Hoffman was “dead wrong about this,” and that “a distribution deal has been hammered out (at the very least involving streaming and possibly even a touch of theatrical)” and that “an announcement about same would happen sometime this week.”

The MPI announcement was delayed until today…no biggie.

A Woody Allen film opening theatrically two months hence obviously represents a #MeToo thaw or a lessening of woke Robespierre insanity. Hoffman’s story ignores the cultural significance of this. Why doesn’t Hoffman acknowledge this? I’ll tell you why he doesn’t acknowledge this. Because he’s not allowed to mention it because Penske Media, which owns THR, is totally in bed with the wokesters.

The last Allen film to play theatrically was Wonder Wheel (Amazon) on 12.1.17 — just over six years ago. Allen’s A Rainy Day in New York (’19) and Rifkin’s Festival (’20) received no theatrical exposure due to #MeToo condemnation of Allen over the Dylan Farrow accusations, although both eventually turned up on airplane flights and as streaming titles. Hoffman notes that Rainy Day became a surprise international hit ($28.3 million gross), “particularly in Asia.”