Who Laughs After Being Gut-Punched?

A pair of Oscar weekend dust-ups happened last Saturday night (3.9).

The first, reported by Puck‘s Matthew Belloni, occured at Chanel’s 15th pre-Oscar awards dinner at the Beverly Hills Hotel, and involved director David O. Russell and Sanford Panitch, president of Sony Motion Picture Group.

Panitch reportedly tripped over Russell’s crouching or otherwise outstretched leg, which reportedly prompted the hot-tempered Russell to stand up and punch Panitch “hard” in the gut. Except Panitch’s response, according to Belloni, was to “laugh and move on” after realizing who his assailant was.

But how “hard” could that punch have been if Panitch basically shrugged it off? If someone had gone into Sonny Liston mode and slugged me in the solar plexus I would have said “whuoouhff!” and then “what the fuck, dude…it was an accident.” Panitch didn’t even do that — he went “hah-hah!” or maybe “hoo-hah!” and went on his way. Doesn’t add up. Belloni was almost certainly exaggerating.

I tried to get the skinny from one of the horse’s mouths before tapping this out…silencio.

Dust-up #2, reported by THR‘s Kim Masters and Lesley Goldberg, was about Bill Maher firing CAA, which had repped him for 20 years, when they failed to wangle Maher an invite to an elite Saturday night Oscar party thrown by CAA co-chairman Bryan Lourd.

Alas, few tasty details have been offered by Masters and Goldberg. Did Maher ask his CAA agent (Steven Lafferty) to get him into the Lourd party a day or two earlier, or did he get pissy about it after hearing about the party the next day? Did he show up at the party under an assumption that he was on the guest list, only to be turned down at the door? These are important things to pass along or at least clarify one way or the other. Maher canned CAA on Monday, or roughly 48 hours later.

When The Beast Wins

…we’re all going to die. A lot of Democrats are going to “come home” on election day, agreed, but many others are going to stay home. Joe Bader Biden’s denial, obstinacy and arrogance will almost certainly do the trick (i.e., return a lying criminal sociopath to the White House), and God help us. It’s really the fault of the wokeys, whom just about everyone despises with a furious passion.

Chris Cillizza and Nate Silver are not fools or idiots. They’re wired in. They know whereof they speak.

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Why Would Variety Post A Story About Some Detroit Miscreant Jacking Off During Showing of “Love Lies Bleeding”?

Variety Assistant Copy Editor: “Hey, chief! A guy named Ben Salami (@UglyXKorean) just tweeted about some louche lowlife masturbating during a suburban Detroit screening of Love Lies Bleeding!”

Variety Editor: “Jerking off in a movie theatre? Wasn’t the late Paul Reubens busted for that in the early ‘90s?”

Variety Assistant Copy Editor: “Yeah, but that was in a porn theatre. This happened in a legit multiplex in Southgate, a low-rent suburb of Detroit.”

Variety editor: “And the guy actually pulled out his gross animal member…?”

Variety Assistant Copy Editor: “And began spanking it…exactly!”

Variety editor: “This is obviously deserving of coverage in the showbiz bible. If I’m not mistaken Variety ran a story about a guy masturbating during a showing of Ben-Hur in Tampa back in ‘59 or ‘60.”

Variety Assistant Copy Editor: “Was that during a reserved seat showing?”

Variety editor: “Not sure but we definitely covered it. Plus this’ll help draw attention to Love Lies Bleeding, which needs all the help it can get. And out friends at A24 will appreciate it.”

Variety Assistant Copy Editor: “It’s a ballsy film, if that’s not an inappropriate term.”

Variety editor: “Tell William Earl to write it up, but first get confirmation from Southgate police, of course, as well as the management of the theatre. And make sure that Ben Salami is the tweeter’s actual name.”

Variety Assistant Copy Editor: “Should we run the photo?”

Variety editor: ‘Probably not, but let me check with Jay.”

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Willis’s Arrogance and Dishonesty Has Been A Gift to Trump…Thanks, Fani!

Because she was in a receptive erotic mood four-plus years ago, and because she gifted her former boyfriend Nathan Wade with a well-paid gig as a senior prosecutor on the Donald Trump electionracketeering case in Georgia, and because she recently decided to lie (i.e., commit perjury) about her romantic timeline with Wade, Atlanta D.A. Fani Willis has done an enormous favor for the foulest sociopath to ever threaten U.S. democracy in this country’s history. Brilliant! Take a bow!