So why are the owners of Saugatuck Sweets trying to convert heathens and existentialists?

Friendo: “I agree with this a thousand percent. Very glad you wrote it. Something seismic has shifted. To the point that I don’t think comparing the Harris movement to the ‘High Hopes’ JFK campaign is at all out of line. As in 1960, this is about the candidate, but it’s also about something much larger than the candidate — a major pivot from the place we’ve been (the darkness of the Trump years, which absolutely include 2020-2024). You can feel the LARGENESS of the coalition. And the votes of women — of all stripes — are going to add up to a tsunami. Trump, the showbiz con man, suddenly looks like the old, dark, grim establishment.”

The Hawk Tuah thing is over, right? But I’m too stupid to understand what Hawk Tuah meant to begin with.

It’s an oral sex riff, of course, but in plain, dumb-guy, not-hip-enough-to-comprehend-it language, does it mean (a) a woman spitting on a guy’s erect member prior to giving him a blowjob or (b) spitting after he comes in her mouth? Either way I’m not understanding the trigger. How is the act or spitting saliva or ejaculate of any particular interest to guys in the TikTok realm? Who cares?

[FAIR WARNING BUT CANDOR IS REQUIRED] I have been a happy recipient of hundreds of generous and glorious female favors over the decades, and not once has saliva-spitting (i.e., the kind you can hear) been a procedural factor. Not once. Just saying.

I’m sorry but I didn’t start this, and I wouldn’t have mentioned it on my own dime if it hadn’t become a thing.

Letter to brilliant anti-woke friend, sent this morning:

“As I wrote yesterday, I have concerns and trepidations about Kamala Harris, but I also believe that her candidacy has become, over the last few days and at least metaphorically, a spiritual and inspirational movement of sorts.

“It’ll be a huge, huge deal for a woman of color (African Jamaican and South Asian descended) to become President. JFK in ‘60, Clinton in ‘92, Obama in ‘08…Kamala’s campaign is one of those. It’s a social movement thing that’s stirring exceptional currents. It’s a seminal change-and-hope event.

“Just a few days ago my attitude was (a) I would prefer Gavin Newsom or Pete Buttigieg, and (b) Kamala may lose to Trump considering that cackle and how she was chosen by Joe as a DEI symbol and how she didn’t connect at all during the 2019 and early ‘20 primary season.

“But something has shifted and she’s somehow caught on over the past week — she’s become someone or something else via some kind of cultural flash flood.

“Freed from the context of the ‘20 primaries, she’s now the younger, much smarter, more spirited, more humane and embracing alternative to The Beast.

“Obviously Harris is imperfect or even thorny by way of wokeness and identity zealotry and demonizing ‘white dudes’, but the white dude thing means, in this context, angry Trump supporters.

“As you know I feel best about sensible left-moderates or classic moderate Republicans like Glenn Youngkin, but I also feel that standing with that deranged criminal sociopath (a McDonalds loyalist and the fattest would-be President since William Howard Taft) can only unleash the ugly.

“Will Harris unleash a form of woke aggression as far as anti-white guy mentalities are concerned? Maybe, but she’s not stupid and life has a way of tempering attuned people and dissuading them from going too far.

“The bottom line is that Kamala is nowhere near as toxic or malevolent or dangerous as Trump.”