All American-made, bucks-up historical films try to soothe audiences with the usual upscale flourishes. In the case of The Last Duel the viewer is simultaneously living in medieval France and 21st Century America. The characters have to look as well-tended as the people we see in expensive clothing stores. Everyone is wearing perfectly tailored clothing, fresh from the cleaners, and they smell like nice cologne.

Hygiene standards in 1386 were almost certainly appalling by our standards, but we’re allowed to presume…okay, imagine that everyone slips into a hot bath each morning and uses a moisturizer and long-lasting anti-perspirant. This goes along with the great-looking garments and tunics, suede boots, expensive armor and high-style coifs (especially Ben Affleck‘s perfectly cut, canary-yellow hair). Jodie Comer‘s servants dressing and grooming her just so…very Maid Marian, very Kardashian.

And we all agree, of course, to not think about anyone answering the call of nature…get shut of it, shut it out, good God.

The only things that bother me (and I’ve mentioned these before) are the muted grayish-blue color scheme and Matt Damon‘s mullet. You know that Ridley Scott chose that mullet deliberately; he loved knowing it would rub people like me the wrong way.