[Note: I’m aware that stories about dental matters can be distasteful. Please feel free to ignore.]
Getting older unfortunately means having to cope with our teeth getting gradually smaller due to grinding and whatnot. I have reasonably decent dental insurance but it doesn’t cover cosmetic stuff, and I can’t afford to shell out $15K or $20K for a set of new crowns (top and bottom). So last summer I decided to try the Instasmile veneer guys. Top and bottom veneers for around $700 and change. Not a massive amount of dough for an experiment that might turn out.
The veneers arrived two days ago. Instasmile offers a warranty agreement that allows for a re-do if there’s a problem. Here’s what I wrote to a customer rep named Autumn:
The basic problems are these: (a) They fit, but they don’t fit snugly enough. The bottom teeth especially. They generally feel a bit bulky. I feel as if I’m wearing HORSE TEETH — like I’m Mr. Ed. Plus they actually hinder my ability to handle consonants.
I’d hoped they would slip right on without issue. Except they feel a tiny bit large (especially on the bottom ridge), and seem a little too big. (b) There’s a saber tooth on the top left bridge that makes me look like a fecking VAMPIRE. It’s ridiculous and embarassing. The vampire tooth has to be ground down and eliminated. It makes me look like Christopher Lee in The Horror of Dracula (’58).
Generally speaking the feeling of looking like a hybrid species (half HORSE and half VAMPIRE) is not pleasant or welcome.
I need veneers that are delicate and generally lighter — ones that fit snugly but are a tiny but smaller on the bottom ridge. And the ridiculous VAMPIRE TOOTH has to be eliminated. I am a human being — I do not sink my fangs into the virginal necks of fair young maidens. Nor am I a HORSE — I don’t whinny or trot or eat oats or gallop around the horse track. To paraphrase F. Lee Ermey in Full Metal Jacket, I am a human fecking being.
SUMMARY: I need dentures that feel lighter and which fit more snugly without hindering my ability to speak clearly. Veneers, in short, that don’t make me look and feel like a HORSE, especially due to an overly large and bulky lower bridge. And you really need to eliminate the upper left VAMPIRE tooth. (I realize that I have a large upper left saber tooth but the Instasmile dentures make me look RIDICULOUS, like a drooling vampire.)
In short, your tech team needs to try again and do a better job. Sorry but that’s the situation, — Jeffrey Wells, HE