The 2022-23 Oscar season will come to a merciful end six days hence — Sunday, March 12. The ABC telecast will start around 5:30 pm Pacific. (Or is it 6 pm? — I can never remember.) 3:30 or 4 pm if you count arrivals. And after it’s over, nobody will ever have to think about Everything Everywhere All At Once ever again, much less watch the fecking thing.
Thank God for the presence of third-time host Jimmy Kimmel, who will not be respected if he doesn’t address the fact that (a) a significant percentage of the Academy’s over-45 members hate the Daniels film, except (b) they’re afraid to say so even privately for fear of being branded as anti-Asian racists. Because Twitter is teeming with gangs of virtue-signalling mad dogs who are waiting to destroy anyone who doesn’t say the right thing.
EEAAO has been nominated for 11 Oscars, and the great fear is that it may sweep a la Titanic or Ben-Hur or The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King. If there is a God it will win no more than five or six Oscars…please. I’m on my knees…please. It’s a profoundly annoying grab-bag of geek Marvel-esque crap and flotsam. Even Daniel Kwan‘s mother doesn’t get the adoration.
Starting with Gone With The Wind and up to La-La Land, 19 films have been nominated up the wazoo.
The difference between these 19 and Everything Everywhere All At Once is that the vast majority (with the arguable exceptions of Gigi, My Fair Lady, Return of the King and Slumdog Millionaire) are widely regarded as brilliant, very good or good. No fair-minded person over the age of 45 will insist with a straight face that EEAAO really and truly rings the bell.
Titanic and All About Eve were the most nominated sweepers with 14 nominations each. La La Land was nominated for 13 Oscars.
1. Titanic (’97) was nominated for 14 Oscars — it wound up winning 11 on the night of 3.23.98. How does it hold up?: There’s no assailing the final half-hour, and certainly not the final five minutes, which are transcendent.
2. Ben-Hur (’59) was nominated for 12 Oscars and won 11 Oscars. How does it hold up?: It’s 15 times better than Timur Bekmambetov‘s 2016 version, but it’s still too slow and stately. The sea-battle and chariot race sequences are worth the price. The story tension dissipates after the chariot race ends.
3. The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King was nominated for 11 Oscars, and won 11. How does it hold up?: I will never, ever watch that godawful film again, and I’m really sorry that i watched it even once.
4. West Side Story (’61) was nominated for 11 oscars, and won 10. How does it hold up?: Steven Spielberg’s version is more engaging in certain respects, but the Robert Wise original is better than decent.
5. The English Patient (’96) was nominated for 12 Oscars and wound up winning 9. How does it hold up?: I’ve never had the slightest interest in re-watching it, and it’s been 17 years since my first ands only viewing.
6. All About Eve (’50) was nominated for 14, won six. How does it hold up?: Aces, smart as a whip, no diminishment.
7. The Last Emperor (’87) was nominated for 9 Oscars, wound up winning 9. How does it hold up?: Quite well. I can’t remember the story all that well (soething to do with Peter O’Toole being the instructor of the young Chinese emperor), but Bernardo Bertolucci and Vittorio Storaro‘s striking visual compositions are world-class.
8. Gigi (’58) was nominated for 9 and won all of them. How does it hold up?: I honestly can’t remember. Fairy tale romances have always tended to leave me cold. The only memory fragments: “The Night They Invented Champagne” and “I Remember It Well.”
9. Amadeus (’84) was nominated for 11, won 8. How does it hold up?: Reasonably well, although I wasn’t a fan of Tom Hulce‘s “Wolfie” and I absolutely preferred Ian McKellen‘s Salieri in the B’way play version.
10. Gandhi (’82) was nominated for 11, won 8. How does it hold up?: Decently, but it plays too stolid and straightlaced. They sdhould have given the Best Picture Oscar to E.T., The Extra-Terrestrial.
11. Slumdog Millionaire (’08) — 10 nominations, 8 Oscars. How does it hold up?: Never again.
12. Cabaret (’72) was nomated for 10, won 8. How does it hold up?: Splendidly. Especially the “Tomorrow Belongs To Me” scene.
13. Gone With The Wind (’39) — nominated for 13, won 8. How does it hold up?: The second half of Part One (Atlanta under siege to “I’ll never be hungry again”) is absolutely brilliant. The rest is somewhere between decent and pretty good.
14. From Here to Eternity (’53) — nominated for 13, won 8. How does it hold up?: Exquisitely. Hasn’t aged a bit, 60 years old and it still works, great performances.
15. On the Waterfront (’54) and nominated for 12, won 8. How does it hold up?: A masterful, absolutely grade-A hard-knocks drama featuring one of the greatest male lead performances ever.
16. La La Land (’16) was nominated for 13, won 6. How does it hold up?: It was a first-rate, Millenial-aged musical romance six and a half years ago, and it still is.
17. My Fair Lady (’64) was nominated for 12, won 8. How does it hold up?: Ungenuine and close to unwatchable.
18. Sunset Boulevard (’50) — nominated for 11, won 3. How does it hold up?: You need to ask? Perfectly.
19. The Godfather (’72 — nominated for 9, won 3. How does it hold up?: Possibly the greatest Oscar winner of all time, or certainly one of them.