From Justin Chang‘s Variety review of The Downloadables…I mean, The Expendables 3D: “The previous two movies, although barely defensible, were at least enlivened by a sly awareness of their own awfulness, and got by on the strength of their no-nonsense, R-rated brutality. But that grisly sense of purpose is nowhere to be found in The Expendables 3, which, for clearly commercial reasons, has opted for a more audience-friendly PG-13 rating — a gutless decision that drains the action of its excitement, its visceral impact and its glorious disreputability.

“By the time the movie finally arrives at an incoherent endgame set in some fictional Middle Eastern hellhole, where editors Sean Albertson and Paul Harb try their damnedest to make sense of a whirlwind of action involving rolling tanks, speeding motorcycles and dive-bombing helicopters, it’s at once impossible to follow what’s going on and impossible to care in any event.

“As an actor proudly notes in the press materials: ‘We have Rocky, the Terminator, Indiana Jones, the Transporter, Mad Max, Desperado and Blade.’ He seems to have left out the follow-up caveat: ‘And we gave them virtually nothing of interest to do or say for two hours!'”