“And the Oscar goes to…(tear, rip, shocked expression)…oh, God…the Oscar, ladies and gentlemen, goes to someone that Scott Feinberg and Michael Musto were predicting to win but which almost everyone else felt was a long shot, at best!”

All I want from the 3.2 Oscar telecast is an upset. I want someone to win that most of the Gurus of Gold and the Gold Derby gang never saw coming. One would be nice, two would be better.

Punishing Cate Blanchett for the Woody Allen contretemps is absurd, but a part of me will be delighted if Amy Adams takes the Best Actress Oscar from her. Because upsets are exciting!

I know Leonardo DiCaprio isn’t going to win the Best Actor Oscar but if he does (because he effing deserves to, because his Wolf of Wall Street performance is landmark)….well, okay!

What upsets are at least a bit more than possible? Which ones might actually happen? I’m asking.

[My British Airways flight is about to take off from JFK as we speak. Six hours of wifi flatlining await.]