Tomorrow Lars Von Trier‘s Nymphomaniac, “a wild and poetic story of a woman’s erotic journey from birth to the age of 50,” will begin filming in Nordrhein-Westfalen, Germany (northeast of Dusseldorf). This means that costar Shia LeBeouf, who has said he’ll be performing real-deal sex scenes with star Charlotte Gainsbourg (or perhaps with someone or something else), is now in Germany and almost certainly going through a little pre-performance anxiety as he paces back and forth in his hotel room. Who wouldn’t be?

The thing to remember is to not repeat the Cillian Murphy full-frontal experience in 28 Days Later, and that means following the golden rule, to wit: between bouts of athletic engagement, always maintain a state of maximum tumescence in repose. In other words an unclothed actor, as Sid Krassman put it in Terry Southern‘s “Blue Movie,” needs “a little heft” to start with before getting down and going to town. To not have that could be deeply embarassing and perhaps even career-wounding.

A Trust Nordisk press release announced today that Nymphomaniac, which costars Jamie Bell, Connie Nielsen, Mia Goth, Jens Albinus, Severin von Hoensbroech, Peter Gilberg Cotton, Nicolas Bro, Tabea Tarbiat, Janine Romanowski, Jesper Christensen, Tania Carlin, Felicity Gilbert and Shanti Roney, is scheduled to last 11 weeks, mostly in Nordrhein-Westfalen, Germany and for a shorter period in Flanders, Belgium. Pic is expected to be released in 2013.