No unshot movie will ever fill me with such apoplectic loathing as Jerry Bruckheimer and Gore Verbinski‘s The Lone Ranger, which will hit screens in December 2012. There’s no option for Johnny Depp but to portray Tonto as a Native American Jack Sparrow. And poor Armie Hammer, such a perfect fit as the Winklevoss twins in The Social Network, using his straightforward blue-eyed jockiness to play the Lone Ranger? In a script written by the thoroughly corrupted Ted Elliott and Terry Rossio? The only element affording a sliver of hope is that Revolutionary Road screenwriter Justin Haythe is co-credited.