Update: The Interview is apparently a dead duck as far as theatrical exhibition is concerned. Or do I mean a dead shark? Or a duck eaten by sharks? I obviously haven’t decided on the metaphor, but Deadline‘s Jen Yamato and Dominic Patten are reporting that all of the major chains including Regal (7318 screens), AMC (4988 screens), Cinemark (4434 screens) and Cineplex (1672 screens) will be joining Carmike, Bow Tie and Arclight cinemas in a decision not to show the Seth Rogen-Evan Goldberg comedy following a most-likely bullshit threat of 9/11-style theatrical violence that was posted yesterday by the Sony hackers. So that’s it — Sony has to get in front of this situation and offer The Interview on a day-and-date VOD basis. There’s nothing else to do. Unless, of course, Sony distribution execs would rather just pull the plug altogether and retire to their respective offices and weep.

Earlier: It was reported this morning that Bow Tie Cinemas has joined Carmike Cinemas and possibly Arclight Cinemas in deciding not to show The Interview because a message threatening attacks on U.S. theatres was typed out by some Asian guy (probably in his 20s, probably an asshole) within the last couple of days. Imagine the potency this guy must be feeling today! A little impudence, a few keystrokes and wham!…giant U.S. corporations tremble and run for cover like mice. I am a kind of 21st Century anti-imperialist hero, this guy must be telling himself. I am a real-life James Bond villain, only cooler! Kim Jong-Un is my new homie. I am now sexier than ever before. Beautiful moist-lipped Korean women are dropping to their knees when I enter the room. What kind of car should I buy? Oh, wait…I’m not being paid that much.

It seems likely that the Asian prankster — instantly notorious, drunk with power — will have at least earned a modest increase in his income and will perhaps be able to afford a new suit and a newer second-hand car. Or maybe a new one…what do I know? All because he turned on his laptop and typed out a threat that may have been entirely imaginative, completely unsupported by anything even resembling an actual threat…no anti-American agents, no weapons or bombs, no coordinated plans or capabilities….complete bullshit. “There is no credible intelligence backing this up at this point in time,” State Department spokesperson Jen Psaki told CNN yesterday.