I don’t like the word “hydrate,” which has always struck me as some kind of fussy bullshit way to say “drink a lot of water.” I only know that if someone who’s not an officer or NCO stationed in the Mideast uses that term in what I judge to be an overly assertive manner I’ll start regarding them askance.

I know it sounds weird to object. Why not just roll with it, right? “Yeah, I’ll need to hydrate during my ten-mile hike,” etc. But something about the sound of it bothers the hell out of me. People have been gulping water since the dawn of the species and now they’re hydrating? I’ll bet Jim Thorpe or Jesse Owens never heard the term, and would have ignored it if they had. I know I’ll never use it if I can help it, and woebetide anyone who says it in my presence. Okay, once or twice but that’s it.