Yesterday Indiewire asked me to contribute to their tabulation of favorite films and performances by Cannes-attending critics. They won’t be posting the final results until tomorrow (i.e., Wednesday), which feels a teensy bit drag-assy. The Cannes Film Festival has been over for four days now, Variety posted their critics’ faves yesterday and the world is moving on. So in the spirit of “time waits for no one” and “no dawdling,” here are the picks I sent along yesterday:

Best Film: 1. Leviathan, 2. Wild Tales, 3. Maps to the Stars, 4. Foxcatcher, 5. Lost River (A for effort, at least cribbing from the right people).

Complaint: Why have I been the only one to bluntly state the obvious after-fact that Leviathan was shafted by the jury? The 3D Godard film gets to share the jury prize and Leviathan gets a piddly screenplay award? Those who attended Cannes and saw all the films know what bullshit that was, and yet after the award ceremony they all said “oh, excellent, fine…the jury has spoken!” and “what a great year it was!” and other alpha-softball stuff.

Best Lead Performance (either gender): 1. Vladimir Vdovichenkov, Leviathan; 2. Julianne Moore, Maps to the Stars; 3. Erica Rivas, the angry, vengeful bride in Wild Tales, 4. Anne Dorval, Mommy, 5. Marion Cotillard, Two Days, One Night.

Note: I couldn’t understand more than half of Timothy Spall‘s performance in Mr. Turner as he spoke from deep inside his throat with a lower-class accent. I might have voted for him if there were subtitles.

Best Supporting Performance (either gender): 1. Kristen Stewart, Clouds of Sils Maria; 2. Mia Wasikowska, Maps to the Stars; 3. Mark Ruffalo, Foxcatcher; 4. Vanessa Redgrave, Foxcatcher; 2. Christina Hendricks, Lost River.

Best Director: 1. Andrei Zvyaginstev, Leviathan; 2. Damian Szifron, Wild Tales; 3. David Cronenberg, Maps to the Stars; 4. Bennett Miller, Foxcatcher; 5. Ryan Gosling, Lost River.

Best Screenplay: 1. Leviathan, 2. Wild Tales, 3. Maps to the Stars, 4. Foxcatcher, 5. Mr. Turner.