Pete Hegseth is Basically Walter Slezak’s “Willie” in Hitchcock’s “Lifeboat”

In Alfred Hitchcock‘s Lifeboat (’44), a German submarine survivor, Willie (Walter Slezak), admits that his crew shelled the lifeboats of a sunken British ship. He explains through Tallulah Bankhead‘s Connie, who translates his German, that they were “just following orders” to fire on the lifeboats, even though they posed no military threat.

“This admission sparks a hushed debate among the survivors about how to treat an enemy who participated in such a deplorable act.

“Ultimately, the survivors, driven by a combination of anger, suspicion (Willie is later found to have a hidden flask of water and food tablets that the others lacked) and a struggle for survival, savagely beat Willie and throw him overboard to his death.”

Political cartoon by Nick Anderson:

A Figure of Speech That Gives Me Indigestion

Make that two figures of speech, and both involving H20. I encountered them earlier today while reading a four-day-old Hamnet review, written by the Daily Beast‘s Chris Feil.

The deplorable terms are (a) “pool of tears” and (b) “puddle of tears.” I’m not saying that Hamnet‘s Globe Theatre finale doesn’t deliver a meltdown. It surely does. I’m saying that any and all allusions to pools or puddles of tears are verboten.

In traffic violation terms, writing “puddle of tears” or “pool of tears” is equal to drunk driving, or perhaps even hitting a pedestrian and leaving the scene with squealing tires and burnt-rubber smoke in the air.

Feil: “The first thing you’ve likely heard about Oscar-winner director Chloé Zhao’s latest film, Hamnet — before even predictions about its Oscar chances — is the degree to which it is leaving crowds in a pool of tears.”

Less than two seconds after reading this sentence, I was telepathically muttering epithets….”You shameless motherfucker…pool of tears?…you craven shoveller… you should be bitchslapped for that”, etc.

Let’s Cut The Shit, Shall We?

HE disagrees with 16 of Quentin Tarantino’s choices for the 20 best films of the 21st Century — the ixnays are in boldface, the agreements are underlined:

Agreements:

David Fincher’s “Zodiac” (No. 6)
Paul Thomas Anderson’s “There Will Be Blood” (No. 5)
Bennett Miller’s “Moneyball” (No. 18)
Woody Allen’s “Midnight in Paris” (No. 10)

Nay-nays:

Steven Spielberg’s “West Side Story” (No. 20)
Eli Roth’s “Cabin Fever” (No. 19)
Prachya Pinkaew’s “Chocolate” (No. 17)
Rob Zombie’s “The Devil’s Rejects” (No. 16)
Mel Gibson’s “The Passion of the Christ” (No. 15)
Richard Linklater’s “School of Rock” (No. 14)
Jeff Tremaine’s “Jackass: The Movie” (No. 13)
Aharon Keshales and Navot Papushado’s “Big Bad Wolves” (No. 12)
Kinji Fukasaku’s “Battle Royale” (No. 11)
Edgar Wright’s “Shaun of the Dead” (No. 9)
George Miller’s “Mad Max: Fury Road” (No. 8)
Tony Scott’s “Unstoppable” (No. 7)
Christopher Nolan’s “Dunkirk” (No. 4)
Sofia Coppola’s “Lost in Translation” (No. 3)
Lee Unkrich’s “Toy Story 3” (No. 2)
Ridley Scott’s “Black Hawk Down” (No. 1)

HE’s Top 25 Films of the 21st Century:

1. Roman Polanski‘s J’Accuse, 2. David Fincher‘s Zodiac, 3a. Steven Soderbergh‘s Traffic; 3b. Paul Greengrass‘s United 93, 4. Alfonso Cuaron‘s Children of Men, 5. Spike Jonze‘s Adaptation; 6. Polanski’s The Pianist, 7. Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck‘s The Lives of Others, 8. Tony Gilroy‘s Michael Clayton, 9. Cristian Mungiu‘s 4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days, 10. Todd FieldsIn the Bedroom, 11. Joel and Ethan Coen‘s No Country For Old Men, 12. Kathryn Bigelow‘s The Hurt Locker, 13. David Fincher‘s The Social Network, 15. Asghar Farhadi‘s A Separation, 16. Bennett Miller‘s Moneyball, 17. Bigelow’s Zero Dark Thirty, 18. David O. Russell‘s Silver Linings Playbook, 19. Martin Scorsese‘s The Wolf of Wall Street, 20. Steve McQueen‘s 12 Years A Slave, 21. Kenneth Lonergan‘s Manchester By The Sea, 22. Luca Guadagnino‘s Call Me By Your Name, 23.Ruben Ostlund‘s The Square, 24. Paul Schrader‘s First Reformed; and 25. Kent JonesDiane.

Nuzzi and Miller Tiptoe Around The Elephant In The Room…”Are Elephants Real or Mental Constructs?” … HE to Nuzzi: “Elephants Are Real But You’re Not”

A 16-Year-Old Actor Who Mostly Radiated A Steady, Settled, 30-Year-Old Vibe

Last night I indulged a kind of snide-attitude curiosity impulse by renting Walt Disney and Robert Stevenson’s Johnny Tremain (‘57), which I had presumed would be a simplistic, teen-friendly saga about Boston patriots in the 1770s (the Sons of Liberty, Paul Revere, John Adams, the Boston Tea Party, “the redcoats are coming!”, the first shot fired in Lexington) with the usual edges sanded off (i.e., standard Disney treatment) and a bit dumbed-down.

Well, it is all those things to a certain degree, but it’s not offensively dumbed down and actually applies a certain Encyclopedia Brittanica intelligence and offers basic respect for standardized historical “facts”.

Plus I instantly warmed to Hal Stalmaster’s performance as Tremain, a silversmith’s apprentice with a planted, straight-talking manner — a young, sensible-minded dude you feel you can trust. Only 16 during filming, the handsome Hal is certainly not playing some twerpy, emotionally effusive, pogo-stick kid. He’s a 30 year-old in temperament, but obliged to sound half that age by the Johnny Tremain requirement.

The 13-years-younger brother of legendary casting director Lyn Stalmaster (1927-2021), Hal never managed (or apparently sought) another lead role in anything. After playing a supporting role in Disney’s The Swamp Fox miniseries (Leslie Neilsen!) and handling some guest roles in TV series, Hal left acting in ‘66. He worked as a booking agent, and is still with us at age 85.

HE has a theory about why Hal Stalmaster never became Richard Beymer, the 6’2” hunk who played Tremain’s best bro and went on to significant fame in a few early to mid ‘60s films (including West Side Story and The Longest Day). I think it was at least partly because Hal was too short. He appears in Tremain to be Dustin Hoffman-sized.

If Cameron Had Somehow Brought Navi Warriors To Our Own Blue Planet

…I would have been down for a third installment. I would have welcomed such a chapter, in fact. But as things now stand, I’m truly sick to death of this franchise. May God hear me…I want the Navi to go away and STAY AWAY…eternally.

To me it’s a serious human tragedy that James Cameron, a guy I so deeply respected in the ’80s and ’90s and all the way up to the first Avatar flick in ’09 and his historic Phillipine submersible dive in 2012…it’s emotionally painful that now he’s just grinding these films out like sausage. Not for the vision but for the money.

“But the script becomes lazy, repetitive & exhausting with excruciatingly bad dialogue,” etc.

Profanity = Authenticity?

I think this is AI bullshit, although Sen. Chuck Schumer almost certainly said these words recently. I realize that throwing in an occasional “eff” bomb is a mark of authenticity these days, but I still think it’s fake.

More Trouble For “Marty Supreme”

Friendo: “I don’t know what Joe Popcorn will make of Marty Supreme (A24, 12.25) but I can tell you this: the critics can’t be trusted. Generally I mean but especially regarding this Josh Safdie puppy.

“I tried to watch it last night, but I bailed after the bathtub fell through the roof and seriously harmed the old man and his dog. Two friends who were watching it with me bailed after this scene. It’s not bad, it’s just…I don’t know…frenetic, monotonous, obnoxious…kinda like Uncut Gems.”

By the way: It can at least be said that Albert Brooks‘ performance as a retiring governor (aka “Governor Bill”) in James L. BrooksElla McCay is…uhm, not too bad. A guy who’s seen it says “yeah, he’s not embarrassing. But most of the film is cringe.” The 20th Century release opens on 12.12.

Posted on 9.10.19: “Uncut Gems is a full-barrelled, deep dive into the realm of a manic, crazy-fuck gambler (Adam Sandler), and yes, it ‘feels like being locked inside the pinwheeling brain of a lunatic for more than two hours,’ as Peter Debruge wrote.

“And guess what? It’ll make your head explode and drive you fucking nuts. By the time it’s over you’ll be drooling and jabbering and gasping for air.

“And yet Uncut Gems has a 100% rating on Rotten Tomatoes. In other words not one person so far feels as I do. And I’m telling you the truth, mon freres. Which is why you can’t trust “critics”, per se. Because they’re all living in their own little fickle cubbyholes while Hollywood Elsewhere is standing tall and firm with its feet planted on the sidewalk and looking dead smack at cosmic reality each and every minute of every day…no let-up.

“Sinners” More or Less Blanked by NYFCC …Yes!

And the one trophy Sinners did win was for Autumn Durald Arkapaw‘s cinematography, which to my eyes was muddy and dreary and indistinct during some of the nocturnal scenes. I literally couldn’t see all that was happening when the Irish vampires were out and about.

Arkapaw did, however, shoot Sinners on 65mm film, using a combination of IMAX 15-perf and Ultra Panavision 70 cameras, which made her the first female dp to shoot IMAX.

Otherwise the New York film Critics Circle gave their trophies to…

Best Film: Paul Thomas Anderson‘s One Battle After Another. HE comment: Fine, whatever…basically a political “yay team!” call. Fuck Joe Popcorn and all the money PTA’s film lost…we know better!

Best Director: It Was Just an Accident‘s Jafar Panahi. HE comment: This is all about the one-year jail term that Panahi was just sentenced to in absentia. Basically a mew-mew, milkbowl-licking political decision.

Best Actor: The Secret Agent‘s Wagner Moura, HE comment: WHAT? Moura is fine in this film, but Leonardo DiCaprio is far more “alive” and striking and penetrating in OBAA.

Best Actress: If I Had Legs I’d Kick You‘s Rose Byrne. HE comment: It was truly punishing to sit through Byrne’s performance, and for that matter the film itself. Kinda ridiculous. Hamnet‘s Jessie Buckley and Sentimental Value‘s Renate Reinsve are far more relatable and affecting.

Best Supporting Actor: One Battle After Another‘s Benicio del Toro. HE comment: Benicio is great as “Sensei”, but you can’t tell me he exudes anything close to the anguished penetration that Stellan Skarsgård delivers in Sentimental Value. And what about poor Adam Sandler in Jay Kelly?

Best Supporting Actress: WeaponsAmy Madigan. HE comment: Agreed — a totally warranted win.

Best International Film: Kleber Mendonça Filho‘s The Secret Agent. HE comment: It’s completely ridiculous to assert that The Secret Agent, a good-but-vaguely-problematic period drama, is more deserving of this NYFCC trophy than Joachim Trier‘s Sentimental Value. Patently absurd!

Thank God Sinners was trounced in the major categories!