Without copping to having seen New Moon (which he clearly has), The Wrap‘s Dominic Patten has listed six reasons why the Twilight franchise is doomed. Eventually, he means. Sapping of the spirit, downward marketing spiral, tank running dry, etc.

One, “nothing happens” in the books, the characters are “caricatures” and there’s only “pointless plodding for plot.” Two, the absence of Robert Pattinson in much of New Moon will provoke disappointment and turn his star current into a lower-wattage thing Three, the afore-mentioned Chris Weitz-is-not-Catherine Hardwicke factor. Four, the laws of diminishing returns on sequels. Five, the formulaic vibe that arises from Michael Sheen‘s presence as a lordly vampire. And six, Miley Cyrus having reportedly recently told a Cleveland radio show that she doesn’t “like” the film (or the book or the franchise or whatever) and, you know, like, “don’t even talk about it.”