A just-released report on 2010 moviegoing habits by Gordon Paddison‘s Stradella Road, a new entertainment marketing firm, said that if movie marketers want to reach younger moviegers in hawking their films, they need to advertise big-time in daily newspapers because print is where it’s at for the under-30 generation.

No, seriously, the report actually said the wisest strategy is to advertise on sites like Hollywood Elsewhere — i.e., smart, provocative, no-holds-barred news-and-discussion sites that deliver cutting-edge commentary, conversation-starters and back-and-forth rancor between the editor/webmaster and readers. Okay, it didn’t actually say that either.

Triple serious and no more put-ons: If movie marketing aces want to sell younger moviegoers on their films, the report urged them “to embrace social networks or risk being ignored,” a story posted last night by Variety‘s Marc Graser summarized.

“The study found that teens and twentysomethings are especially focused on being able to customize entertainment and are quick to share their opinions with others digitally — especially as usage of the Internet, mobile devices and DVRs has become more widespread. An estimated 94% of all moviegoers are now online.

“The younger demo is especially key in spreading word of mouth, with 73% of moviegoers surveyed having profiles on social networking sites.

“It’s a point that’s been made a number of times as sites like MySpace, Facebook and Twitter have grown in popularity. But the study is one of the few to break down specific age groups and how they consume movies and the marketing messages leading up to their releases.

* Eloi (age 13-17) are “all about sharing information and mostly instinctual, proudly anti-literate, lemming-over-the-cliff group thinking,” the report didn’t say, although it might as well have. With social networking a critical communication tool, easily-led Eloi go to movies in large groups and are heavily influenced by their friends’ impulsive, trailer-prompted, defiantly ignorant opinions. This is due to the demo’s staunch refusal (except in the case of X-factor non-Eloi types, who comprise maybe 10% of this group) to read and consider information on movie sites. “They also prefer texting over having phone conversations. More than 70% also surf the web and text while watching TV, and 67% of them socialize with friends online,” the report said.

* Twentysomething Eloi (age 18-29) “are digital natives who have grown up with technology” and are more likely to go online for movie info and to share what they think about movies via social networks (58% socialize with friends online). They use the Internet to find any kind of information and place a high value on online consumer reviews and sites that aggregate reviews.”

* Auds in their 30s (i.e., those starting to use their brains and show actual aesthetic judgment regarding films they’ll pay to see) are “time-constrained, with parenthood dominating their decisions. They split their moviegoing trips between their children and their spouses.” They “spend the highest number of hours online and rep the highest use of technology (Internet, broadband access, DVR ownership and cell phone).” They also view the most recorded TV and skip the most ads via their DVRs.”

* Those in their 40s, the report says, “embrace traditional media like magazines and newspapers, with moviegoing dominated by special family occasions and influenced by teens.” (Really? The internet has been going great guns for at least 15 years and people in their 40s — i.e., those who were in their late 20s and early 30s in the mid ’90s — are basically into dead-tree media? What kind of lazy, grass-munching wildebeests are they?)

* And fiftysomethings “avoid crowds, prefer matinees and ‘skip ads because they think there are too many commercials on TV.'” Fifty-somethings prefer matinees? What else do they prefer? Browsing through funeral home brochures in their spare time? These are 50-somethings trying to live like 80-somethings. People looking to withdraw from life as much as possible. People who watch a lot of TV and like to huddle down with warm blankets and play with their grandchildren twice a year. Paddison needs to find some new 50-somethings for his survey — i.e., people with an actual pulse.