“You never see the real person when you fall for someone; you see a self-flattering illusion, and this is triply true with celebrity crushes. That I ever believed Johnny Depp’s spin is a testament to the tenacity of my inner teenager. So now that he has ticked off the ‘become a parody of yourself’, ‘have an acrimonious divorce’ and ‘blow your cash on stupid shit’ boxes, we can all look forward to the ‘dodgy plastic surgery’ and ‘massively obese’ phases, following in the footsteps of Mickey Rourke, Marlon Brando and many others. Maybe celebrities are just too indulged now, or maybe we know too much about them — which is why I’m increasingly thinking that the safest celebrity to have a crush on is a dead one.” — from Hadley Freeman’s 2.11 Guardian piece about her disengagement from Captain Fatass Over.