Don’t Bring Me Down With Your Shorts

by

David Cross‘s appearance — baseball cap, pot belly, bushy Santa Claus beard, shorts — is, for me, as much of a problem as Cross being casually, no-big-deal accepting of Brooklyn parents supporting 9-year-old trans kids.

I knew I was straight when I was three or four. I used to sleep with my pretty grandmother, and I distinctly recall getting a faint little charge outta that. I was leafing through nude girlie magazines when I was eight. I used to play doctor with q couple of neighborhood girls at the same age. But being an eight-year-old hetero horndog was entirely my idea. It genuinely came from within. The trans thing is different. It comes from the crowd. It’s imposed…a consensus thing.

Bill Maher: “Trans? Wait, [your daughter] has trans friends in third grade?”

Cross: “Yeah.”

Maher: “They know they’re trans in third grade?”

Cross: “I think a just-turned 9 year old…just the coolest kid.”

Maher: “[Is the child transitioning from] girl to boy?”

Cross: “Girl to boy. And she has another very close friend who’s not in the school, but who’s boy to girl at 3 years old.”

Maher: “A woman friend said, ‘I was what they called a tomboy. If I was alive now and acted the way I did then, this is what they would have done to me.’”

Cross: “Well, nobody’s ‘doing’ this to her.”

Maher: “Well, I don’t know.”

Cross: “Literally nobody is doing this to her.”

Maher: “How old?”

Cross: “Either 8 or, I think, 9.”

Maher: “Okay, then somebody is doing something because 8- or 9-year-olds can’t do anything on their own.”

Cross: “No, they’re buying them boys’ clothes.”

Maher: “Well then, they’re doing something.”

Cross: “Sure. Yes, you’re right. They’re buying them boys’ clothes.”

Maher: “And telling them you’re a boy now.”

Cross: “No, no, they’re not ‘telling’ them. They’re just agreeing with [the child].”

Maher: “Agreeing with an 8-year-old. Because when has their judgment ever been off at 8?”

Cross: “You knew you weren’t gay, right?… It’s not different.”

Maher: “It is different. Good luck with President Vance. Because, as I always say to my woke friends, we voted for the same person. You’re just why [Kamala Harris] lost, and this is a case of that.”

Cross: “Wait…what?”

Maher: “We voted for the same person. You’re just why she lost. Because America hears this, and they’re going to go, ‘Bill’s right…8-year-olds can’t really make decisions on their own like this.’ That’s what most people are going to say. This is why we’re going to vote for JD Vance…that’s America in a nutshell.”

People inclined to vote for JD Vance in ’28 aren’t in love with him. They know he’s a second-rate beardo. They felt the same way about Trump in ’24 and ’16. They know these guys are beasts in many respects. But they really, really hate wokeys, and that I understand.

HE really loves Zohran Mamdani in a spiritual sense. I think he’s the most Fiorello LaGuardia-like mayor that NYC has had in many decades.