I hung out yesterday with a little German mutt who was somewhat behind the eight ball. She came in barking, howling, scared, aggressive. All little dogs do this. So I tried to disarm things by sitting still, but she got upset whenever I got up or moved or eyeballed her. So I said “eff it” and pretended to be another dog — panting, mock-barking, making dog noises. Then I chased her around the room in a playful way. We gradually got down to the petting and stroking and “I’m okay, you’re okay” part. All was cool.

Joey is not the dumb dog of the title — he’s trusting, intelligent, very cool.

Then she went out for a walk and came back and was hyper and aggressive and yapping all over again. I could have been an alien from District 9. She didn’t remember a thing from before. All that bonding for nothing. Short-term memory loss. Then we went for a drive and she sat on my lap and I lightly massaged her neck and we were cool once again. But she had bad breath and farted and shed light-brown hair all over my black jeans and blue sweater. And then she got scared when I opened the window and moved her on my lap a bit and she bit me. I’ve gotten along with almost every dog I’ve ever met (including Joey, pictured above doing a Yoda-and-Luke thing with Jett) but not this one.

Another indication of dog stupidity is when they bark at planes flying overhead at 20,000 feet.