Let’s suppose that Hollywood Elsewhere manages to create, say, 500 glossy white matchbooks with the famous R-O-T monogram…exact duplicates of Cary Grant’s North by Northwest matchbook. And better yet, with a handwritten note inside each one that says “they’re on to you — I’m in your room.” If I did this, how much could I charge? $7.50 plus postage? $10?

I’m figuring once it gets around that the Academy Museum is thinking about posthumously indicting Alfred Hitchcock, Ernest Lehman and Cary Grant for attempting a kind of cultural genocide against the Lakota nation, anti-wokesters will want to signal their pro-North by Northwest sympathies by owning a few R-O-T matchbooks. An Us-vs.-Them, band-of-brothers thing.

Extra-perverse idea: Perhaps I could persuade the museum to sell them in their gift store?