Sebastián Lelio‘s Gloria (Roadside Attractions, 1.17.14) is about a spirited, attractive 50something divorcee (Pauline Garcia) with grown kids who doesn’t want to resign herself to loneliness and is therefore looking for an attractive, quality-level boyfriend. I knew going in that the film would have some nudity and sex scenes and whatnot, so I was secretly begging Gloria to please find someone youngish-looking (in decent shape, not balding or white-haired, white teeth) and at least as attractive in his way as she is in hers because I really, really don’t want to watch sex scenes with some moderately flabby, sagging older guy with gray or yellowish teeth who probably needs a pedicure. Please don’t do this to me…please.

Sure enough Gloria falls for some moderately flabby, sagging older guy named Rodolfo (Sergio Hernandez), and within 10 or 15 minutes there’s a sex scene. Good God! Due respect to Hernandez, a distinguished Chilean actor, but I don’t want to watch a going-to-seed male in his mid 60s having sex ever again.

My respect for Gloria went right out the window the instant she started making goo-goo eyes at Hernandez. “If she has no taste in men I have no interest in her,” I told myself. It’s wonderful that people of all ages have sex and eroticism in their lives but please don’t ask me to watch if they’re older than, say, 40 or 45. Okay, I’ll make exceptions depending upon the actor but there’s a point at which you just don’t want to look. I don’t want to watch M having sex with Pussy Galore — I want to watch 007 doing it. I know what Lelio is attempting to say here (older folks are people too, they have the same feelings and urges), but I’m going to remember what he did to me.