Nobody wants to see Tom Hanks play a fat, selfish, cigar-smoking prick who wore a straw hat and spoke with a Southern drawl…nobody.

Col. Tom Parker was literally the devil — the grotesque asshole who turned Elvis Presley‘s career into a joke by casting him in a string of shitty ’60s movies. He also fought against Presley’s 1968 live televized concert, and when he couldn’t stop it wanted Elvis to sing Christmas songs instead of rock tunes.

People want to see Hanks play nice, mellow, mild-mannered guys — that’s his brand, his wheelhouse. Whom would I cast as Parker? John Travolta. Nic Cage. Somebody who can deliver the casual demonic, and who’s already fat.

I’m telling you right now I’m not that interested in seeing this Baz Luhrmann film. I feel all Elvis-ed out at this stage. We all know this story. It’s been told and re-told and re-told.