This wildly absurd, sexually provocative Lady Gaga music video — a hot-lesbos-in-prison and a Beyonce/rat poison thing — is called “Telephone.” Directed by Jonas Akerlund-as-Quentin Tarantino, it premiered just before the Oscars. High-style, in-your-face stylistic flamboyance, etc. It simultaneously aroused and dead-bored me.

Where would Lady Gaga be without the 1.2 pounds of mascara and eyeliner she puts on each eye? I chuckled at the dick-rumor joke.

Everyone claims to like babes-behind-bars B movies, but I can’t think of one made since Jonathan Demme‘s Caged Heat that I’ve been able to even watch for its entirety, much less enjoy. Where is the lesbian prison movie that delivers the quality of Robert M. Young and Miguel Pinero‘s Short Eyes?