You’ll notice the fuck-all tone in Ben Affleck‘s acceptance speech on behalf of Gone Girl at last night’s Hollywood Film Awards ceremony. Anytime a honoree uses the word “urinal” in his acceptance speech, you know he’s not exactly seized by the loftiness of the moment. On this, the first broadcast of the HFA Awards (which incidentally scored low ratings), everyone, it seemed, was either fooling around, vaguely embarrassed to be there or just biting their tongue and going along with the charade. In short, the HFA is now the new lowman on the televised awards-show totem pole, and the equation that used to be owned by the Golden Globe awards (i.e, vague feelings of humiliation and abasement = funnier jokes, a lighter and boozier mood) is now owned by the HFA. I don’t know how or by what procedure David Fincher‘s brilliant zeitgeist-encompassing melodrama was given the equivalent of the HFA’s Best Picture award, but I’m glad it’s gotten this kind of attention, even from “the Hollywood Film-Flam Awards,” in the view of MCN’s David Poland. There’s no denying GG is at or near the top of the heap, like I’ve been saying all along.

The impression from the video below is that Jack O’Connell, star of Unbroken, ’71 and Starred Up, is about as tall as Dustin Hoffman or the late Alan Ladd (roughly 5’6″). He’s actually in the vicinity of 5’8″.

Among the 2014 Hollywood Film Award winners: HFA award (i.e. Best Picture equivalent): Gone Girl; Hollywood Actor Award: Benedict Cumberbatch, The Imitation Game; Hollywood Blockbuster Award: Guardians of the Galaxy; Hollywood Documentary Award: Mike Meyers, Supermensch: The Legend of Shep Gordon (WHAT? The Best Feature Doc Award belongs hands down to Laura Poitras‘s Citizenfour); Hollywood Actress Award: Julianne Moore, Still Alice (which I still haven’t seen); Hollywood Career Achievement Award: Michael Keaton; Hollywood Animation Award: How to Train Your Dragon 2…I can’t do this anymore. Here’s a full list of winners on the Us site. You’re welcome.