“But I never made it. But in that era it was JFK, it was Muhammud Ali, it was Sean Connery, Howard Cosell…you can go all down the list…that’s a real man. I want to be like that someday.” — Jerry Seinfeld during q & a sitdown with Bari Weiss, posted this morning.

Back in the day the world was overflowing with classic masculinity and noblesse oblige right-stuff role models…slender physiques, handsome features, big white teeth, debonair vibes, wealth and self-assurance.

Eternal smoothie Cary Grant was my favorite rich uncle from the time I began watching his black-and-white films on the tube until he aged out and retired in the mid ’60s.

Burt Lancaster, James Garner, Robert Redford, Paul Newman, Kirk Douglas, Steve McQueen, 1950s horse-cock tenor Frank Sinatra, Alain Delon, Jean Paul Belmondo, young Marlon Brando…loved those guys with all my heart. They were the gold standard of my tweener and early teen years..

I grew up in a world in which conventionally attractive or semi-attractive people were the ones who got laid the most often. Trust me — I used to do quite well at the Westport Players Tavern in the mid to late ’70s, and I had a good sense of what worked and what didn’t.

Posted on 2.11.15: “Standards of hotness change over time. I’ve said more than a few times that sexual attractiveness standards have definitely evolved in favor of the notties over the last…oh, 10 or 12 years. We’re now living in an age, partly if not largely perpetrated by the films and scenarios of producer-director Judd Apatow, in which Schlumpies and Dumpies have been sold to the public as the kind of people you want to go out with, go home with, get married to, etc.

“When I was in my 20s and carousing around Schlumpies and Dumpies got no action whatsoever. They stayed home, watched TV, wept in their beds, jerked off, etc. But today they make out.

“If a bearded guy in an Apatow movie has bigger breasts than Cameron Diaz and a dumpy milky-white body with eight or nine pimples on his fat white ass…cool! If a lead actress looks like one of the Andrews Sisters but with somewhat wider or heavier facial features…crazy mama!”