…that SpiderMan No Home was an oblique tribute to that Chinatown moment when Jack Nicholson pushes his way into Evelyn Mulwray‘s large mansion and notices the Asian-American maid laying drapes over the furniture. He asks what’s going on and the maid says, “Mrs. Mulwray no home.”

Then I thought, “Wait, a movie today can’t have an Asian person speaking imperfect English…the producers would be attacked for racism.” Then I realized the actual title is SpiderMan No Way Home. Oh. That’s a different kettle. Now I hate it. Actually I’ve hated the SpiderMan series for a long time now. Since before I was born.

From “Why Spider-Man Will Always Suck Eggs“, posted on 4.19.07:

“I love a good summer popcorn movie as much as the next person. I really do. Except we all know that most of them have been so CG-dependent and drearily formulaic and unimaginative and badly written that “summer popcorn movie” has become a euphemism for ‘big-studio CG piece of shit that makes you feel like a sucker when it’s over.’

“For me, there is almost no difference between watching a Spider-Man movie and reading a year-end profit-and-loss statement from the Sony corporation. They are about connecting the dots in order to connect the dots so the people who greenlighted and made them can make as much money as possible. The problem with that approach is, I don’t care about the bonus compensation deals.

“Spider-Man movies are about sitting through two hours of passable eye candy without any kind of human-scale believability or Raimi-esque personality or anything really ‘real.’ I tried watching the first one on DVD a while back and I couldn’t do it — it was awful.”

February 24, 2021by Jeffrey Wells4 Comments