Kristen Stewart night at the Arlington, 15 or 20 minutes before the show began. Masks are no longer mandatory in California, but the SBIFF greeting staff was asking everyone to wear them anyway…fine. I put mine on, smiled at the ushers and walked into the cavernous theatre.

Ten minutes later I was sitting in my usual third-row aisle seat with my mask off, in line with standard protocol (masks worn standing but not sitting). A lean, white-haired provocateur in a plaid jacket (one of the swells who always wait until just before showtime to arrive) came over, did a theatrical double-take and said, “I was just wondering why everyone is wearing masks except you.”

That wasn’t true, in fact — several people sitting in our immediate vicinity (including Charlize Theron, two rows away) weren’t wearing them.

HE reply (calmly): “I’m not wearing my mask for the same reason that sitting restaurant patrons don’t wear them. Plus the CDC says they’re no longer mandatory.”

White-haired guy: “But this is a private event and the festival has asked everyone to wear them.”

HE: “Unless you’re sitting down. Or unless you’re Charlize Theron or Kristen Stewart or Roger Durling or Anne Thompson. Or unless you’re invited to the after-party.”

White-haired guy (leaning over to inspect my press badge): “But but but….”

HE: “Look, I’m not a mask dilletante. I’ve been masking for two years and I’m triple vaxxed, but the mandatory mask stuff is basically over.”

White-haired guy: “You may not be a dilletante, but you might be a jerk.”

HE: “Okay, I’m a jerk.”