I’m not touching the no-fake-boobs-on-Pirates of the Caribbean 4 story — it’s too vapid, and besides implants would clearly violate the remarkable sense of historical exactitude that the Pirates movies have provided thus far. I’m sensing that this story may be a blade of grass foretelling what the lawn is going to look like when director Rob “tanning spray” Marshall (Nine, Memoirs of a Geisha) turns in his director’s cut.