Jason Staham has starred in exactly one good movie — The Bank Job. (He co-starred in Lock Stock, etc.) I guess that’ll never happen again . Memo to Clive Owen (plus his agent and manager): Don’t ever wear a moustache in a film ever again.

If I was all bloody and tied down to a chair, I’m fairly sure I could manage to do an aerial back flip and then land just so. Did I say “fairly sure”? I know I could!